


Uneven Odds

by lonelysector23



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Bullying, Canon-Typical Violence, Circle of Ostwick, Depression, Eating Disorder, Gore, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Isolation, Learning to live outside of the Circle, Mage Rebellion, Mage-Templar War (Dragon Age), Nausea caused by anxiety, Overcoming Fear, Prelude to events in Dragon Age: Inquisition, Vomiting, drunk advances, month challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-05-28 10:10:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 30,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19391953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelysector23/pseuds/lonelysector23
Summary: Bravery is waking up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before.





	1. Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Note*: Lily is five years old here, and Raphael is eight.

__ _**9:20 Dragon, Ostwick** _

* * *

It had been a warm sunny day, and instead of spending the day indoors, Lily and Raphael had decided to go play outside underneath the cool shade of the many trees surrounding the estate. They had been running around for quite a while, but their game of hide and seek was forgotten the moment they spotted a few oranges dangling from some low-hanging branches.

The branches may have been low enough for someone taller, but for Lily and Raphael, a boost up was still necessary. 

Lily was clinging to Raphael’s back and she felt herself sway slightly as he took a few unsteady steps closer to the orange she was trying to reach.

“Did you get it yet?” he asked.

“It’s too high,” replied Lily. She placed her small hand on Raphael’s head and tried to push herself up, determined to grab the orange that seemed to be taunting them.

“Ow! Can’t I just climb the tree instead?” he complained.

“No!” snapped Lily. “You hurt your knee last time!”

“Fine,” sighed Raphael, as he tried to hoist her higher up his back. “What about now?” 

Lily stuck out her tongue as she reached forward and finally managed to wrap her fingers around the orange’s stem. She pulled on it with a small grunt until it snapped free and a light shower of leaves and twigs scattered around them. “Got it!” 

“I’m climbing the tree next time,” declared Raphael, as he turned around and proceeded to carry her back to the shady patch in the grass. 

Lily was about to protest when a low branch suddenly whacked her in the forehead, causing her to drop the orange they had tried so hard to pick. “Ow! Raffy!” 

“What?” he asked, as he tried to look up at her.

“I hit my head!” 

“It’s your fault for growing!”

“You’re taller than I am!” retorted Lily, as she tried to spread out her arms. “By _this_ much!”

They both wobbled at her sudden movement and collapsed on the soft grass. The bits of dried leaves and twigs that were stuck to their clothes and hair went completely ignored as they looked around for the orange they had picked. Lily finally spotted it some distance away, and unfortunately, so did a squirrel. 

The furry creature quickly bit into it and dragged it out of sight, effectively claiming it before either of them could react.

Lily rubbed at her forehead and stared at the spot where the orange had been for a moment before turning to look back at Raphael, whose mouth was hanging open in surprise. 

“ _Again?_ ” he asked.

Lily picked Floofy up from his bed of leaves and frowned as she thought back to all the times the oranges they had picked had been stolen by the little animals. At least they hadn’t been chased around the trees like last time. “What do we do now?”

Raphael’s eyes squeezed shut in concentration before a grin lit up his face. “I saw some tarts in the kitchen,” he said as he quickly stood up. “Come on, we can play tag after.” 

Lily clutched her bear tighter, suddenly reluctant to move. Catherine had been around the last time they had played tag, and it had not gone well. She had wanted to join in on their game and ended up pushing Lily into the wet dirt of the gardens, completely ruining the new dress her mother and father had surprised her with for her nameday. 

“She’s not around,” said Raphael, as he looked at her with a knowing expression. “And if she shows up again, I’ll throw more mud at her.” 

The memory of Catherine accidentally catching a glob of mud in her mouth made Lily giggle. “The face she made was so funny!”

“It was worth not getting cake,” grinned Raphael. “Now hurry, before they call us for supper!”

They raced back to the estate as fast as they could, and were about to take a shortcut through a bed of blooming marigolds when a voice made them skid to a halt just as they were about to reach the freshly dug dirt.

“Don’t even _think_ about it, you two!” 

Lily’s mother stood in the doorway to the estate, with her hands on her waist. 

“The marigolds are still recovering from your last shenanigans. Now come get cleaned up for supper, both of you.”

Lily and Raphael hurried along the garden’s dirt path and sheepishly walked towards her.

“I’m sorry, Aunt Edith,” said Raphael, as he looked up at her.

“Me too,” added Lily, clutching Floofy to her chest. 

A small chuckle came from beyond the doorway before Lily’s father appeared behind Edith. He placed a hand on her shoulder as he looked down at them in amusement. “They were going to do it again, weren’t they?”

“It was a close call, Nicholas,” Edith sighed, a small smile tugging at her lips. “But the flowers are safe for now. As for you two - ” she looked back down at Lily and Raphael. “Come inside and get cleaned up. We have a surprise for you.”

Lily and Raphael glanced at each other excitedly.

“Is it tarts?” 


	2. Home

_**9:23 Dragon, Circle of Ostwick** _

* * *

_Mage_.

When Lily first heard the word in the chantry, she wasn’t very sure what it meant.

It wasn’t until her hand erupted in flames that she understood. She still heard the screaming and shouting, still smelled the smoke.

She couldn’t stop shaking, no matter how hard she tried.

Was Raffy okay? She didn’t get a chance to say sorry to him, let alone see him before the large figures dressed in armor pulled her from her parents’ arms and dragged her away from her home. The cries that had erupted from her had since then quieted, and the tears that continued to fall were completely silent.

She hadn’t spoken since she had been led through the metal doors of this strange place that felt cold and dark, so unlike the light and gentle warmth of her home.

The voices around her were muffled by the memory of the screams and cries she had heard just a few hours ago.

It was only when she felt the sharp pain of a needle stabbing the tip of her index finger that she startled and tried to resist. An armored figure merely held her wrist in place as she struggled, and she had watched in terror as some of her blood willingly left her body and poured itself into a small glass vial. She got sick soon after that.

She hadn’t taken her eyes off her hand since then.

It was the same hand that was somehow unhurt even though it had made Raffy’s skin smoke and bubble.

“Lily?”

Lily remained quiet.

“Your cousin will be just fine. He just needs a little while to recover.”

The relief Lily felt at the news didn’t outweigh the guilt that had settled deep into her being. She wanted to be with her family to tell them she was sorry.

When would she see them again?

She hesitated before glancing up at a tall woman in white robes and quickly looked back down at the stone floor. “I want to go home,” she whispered.

The flicker of emotion that appeared in the woman’s face went completely unnoticed by Lily. “I know.”


	3. Letters

_**9:23 Dragon** _

* * *

[ _A carefully folded letter from Nicholas and Edith Trevelyan, sent to their daughter, Lily. There are a few stains of what appear to be teardrops towards the end of the parchment._ ]

Darling flower,

 ~~Are you~~ How are you feeling? You said you were okay in your last letter, but Senior Enchanter Lydia told us you were having trouble eating. Has she been giving you mint tea like we told her to? We know things have changed so much, sweetheart, and it’s okay to be scared. Just know that you are a strong girl, and you will be just fine. You will learn all sorts of things and get to know other children there and everything will be okay. Don’t you worry about a thing - Raphael is fine, we are taking good care of Floofy for you and we hope to see you soon. In the meantime, please take care of yourself. We miss you and we love you very much, darling. ~~We~~ Everything will be okay, we promise. 

With all our love and hugs, Mama and Papa

* * *

[ _A letter from Lily Trevelyan to her parents. The parchment is mildly wrinkled, with uneven letters and a slightly shaky scrawl. A single teardrop stains the bottom left corner of the parchment._ ]

Mama and Papa,

I'm not okay. I’m sad and I want to go home. I don’t like it here. They cut my finger and took my blood and I don’t know why and I’m scared they’ll do it again. It’s also dark and I can’t see the sky anymore because they won’t let us go outside. I don’t want to talk to anyone here. I miss you, Raffy, and Floofy and your hugs. Are you sure Raffy is okay? Will you tell him I’m sorry? I didn’t mean to hurt him. I didn’t mean to make you cry either. I’m sorry and I love you.

Lily


	4. Wall

_**9:24 Dragon, Circle of Ostwick** _

* * *

There were many things Lily missed.

The sun, the grass, the trees, the air, the birds and the squirrels to name a few, but above all, she missed her family. The few letters she had been allowed to send and receive made her chest ache even more than it usually did. The pieces of parchment that contained her parents’ words were merely a whisper of their presence, never comparing to the actual comfort and warmth they had always radiated. 

But still, she kept and treasured every single letter.

They were the only things she had of them, and she was going to keep them safe. 

In every single one, they kept encouraging her to eat her meals and to talk to the other children, but she couldn’t bring herself to do either of those things most of the time. She had gotten sick too many times despite the mint tea the Senior Enchanter kept offering her, and some of the children hadn’t been very welcoming since the day she had arrived. Some simply preferred to keep to themselves and to their studies, and Lily found herself to be most comfortable when she began doing the same thing. 

The few who had tried to talk to her had been unable to climb over the wall she had built around herself. It was better that way. The fear of possibly hurting them the way she had hurt Raffy was lessened.

She hadn’t heard from him despite her parents telling her he was okay, and she wondered if they were just saying that to make her feel better. She had seen what she did with her own hand - had seen the angry and raw skin, and still remembered his screams.

There was no reason for him to forgive her.

She just hoped that he really _was_ okay, even though deep down, she knew he would never speak to her again.


	5. Books

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for implied self-harm and implied character death.

**_9:25 Dragon, Circle of Ostwick_**

* * *

Books were the only companions Lily had. 

One could say she always had her nose in a book, but the time came when reading was suddenly all she would do. She studied the tomes she was assigned over and over again on her own, until she had basically memorized every lesson and managed to perform the minor spells that were required of her without much trouble.

If anyone had noticed her growing obsession with her studies, Lily didn’t know. All she knew was that she had to keep reading. Her books distracted her, helped her forget about the family she no longer had.

Months have passed since the last letter, and weeks have passed since she had gotten the news. 

Her mother and father weren’t in this world anymore. 

Their smiles seemed like a distant memory. All she had left were the looks of anguish on their faces and the wails of grief that had left them when she was taken away. It was anguish and grief that _she_ had caused. 

Senior Enchanter Lydia had tried to comfort her as she presented a small box containing some of her parents’ belongings. 

_...very sorry, Lily… ...have gone to the Maker’s side… ...wanted you to have this…_

The words had sounded distant and muffled in Lily’s ears, and it wasn’t until she had seen her mother’s locket and her father’s poetry book nestled in that small box that she began to cry. She had cried even harder when she saw Raffy’s name in her father’s writing, right next to one of the poems that he had often read to them before bedtime.

Did Raffy know? Was he okay? She had no way of knowing.

She had cried every night since then, left strands of her hair on her pillow, rejected the comfort that the Senior Enchanter had tried to give her, ignored the prayers that were offered to the Maker and his bride every week, and buried herself in books with the weight of her mother’s locket around her neck and her father’s poetry book nestled deep in the pocket of her robes.

Books were all she had left.


	6. Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for depression.

**_9:31 Dragon, Circle of Ostwick_**

* * *

The days were endless, the years blurred together.

Holidays and namedays that were once filled with warmth, love and joy came and went. They were now empty and hollow, and held no real meaning anymore. After a while, it was difficult to figure out where each year ended or began, and Lily found she didn’t really care.

What difference did it make when each day was exactly the same, with nothing to look forward to?

Every morning she’d rise at dawn, go to the dining hall to pick at the meals that were served, study the assigned tomes, practice spells with magic she wished she didn’t have, endured the whispers and gibes from other children her age, and retreat to the apprentice quarters where she’d stare at the wall as she waited for sleep that may or may not arrive, all under the watchful eyes of the many templars that were stationed throughout the tower. 

She didn’t cry much anymore. It almost felt as if her well of tears had run dry.

Whenever she looked at the note her father had left for her in her mother's locket, she wondered if this would ever end, only to remind herself that it wouldn’t. According to the Chantry, they were possible threats, unworthy of freedom and for the most part, it seemed as if everyone agreed.

So much for the idea of the Maker never making mistakes.


	7. Smoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for bullying, nausea caused by anxiety, and referenced self-harm.

**_9:33 Dragon, Circle of Ostwick_ **

* * *

_Spirit is the ephemeral school of magic that draws its power from the fade itself. It is possible for students of this school to manipulate their mana, as well as to summon -_

Lily jerked slightly in her seat when a small ball of crumpled up parchment landed on the page of the tome she was reading. She stared at it for a moment, debating on whether or not she should look up when she heard the familiar snickering and whispering coming from the other side of the study room. They were voices that belonged to the group of apprentices who seemed to take joy in antagonizing the others who preferred to keep to themselves. 

Why did they do it? Lily wasn’t very sure. Perhaps it was because she and the others were always alone, and it made them easy prey. Or maybe it was because they were simply bored.

Whatever the reason, Lily had tried to ignore them as best as she could whenever they set their sights on her. Things never got physically violent - everyone knew better than to risk getting into trouble with so many templars around - but the things they had done had been enough to upset her to the point of almost getting sick or yanking out single strands of her hair when she was finally alone.

There may have been a time when she had a brother who protected her from such treatment, but those days were long gone - from the moment she had arrived at this forsaken tower, she’s had to fend for herself.

Lily brushed the ball of parchment aside without looking in the group’s direction and tried to continue to read despite the uneasy feeling that began to creep into the pit of her stomach.

It wasn’t until she went back to the apprentice’s quarters that she realized the mistake she had made. 

Bits of ripped up parchment were scattered on the floor next to her bed. She was completely frozen as she stared at them, barely hearing the damned laughter she’s unfortunately grown so familiar with. Her heartbeat began to drown out everything around her, and her skin grew even warmer than it already was.

The letters she had kept from her mother and father - they were all torn apart as if they were waste to be thrown out.

Her body felt numb as she walked towards them and slowly knelt on the cold stone floor. Her mother and father’s handwriting was ripped to pieces, all of their last words to her completely destroyed. She stared down at them blankly for what felt like hours, unsure if this was one of the many nightmares she’s had since she was brought here. 

She reached out to touch one of the pieces of parchment. It was the same familiar texture she knew so well.

This was real.

Her breathing turned shallow as the image before her blurred. She gently ran her shaking fingers over the bits of paper and was brought out of her reverie when another pair of larger hands appeared next to hers, reaching out to gather the shreds of parchment.

“I’m sorry they did this.”

Lily slowly turned her attention to the person next to her and met the eyes of a young man she had never spoken to, but immediately recognized. He was one of the apprentices who sometimes hung around the people she now despised with every fiber of her being. 

Anger surged through her entire body as she glared at him. Small wisps of smoke began to drift out of her nose and mouth, and the air around them grew noticeably warm. “ _Don’t. Touch. Them._ ” she snarled. 

The man’s eyes widened slightly and he moved his hands away.

Lily didn’t care about the genuine regret and fear that was all over his face - all she knew was that some of the few things she had from her family were gone, and she just wanted him and everyone else to stay the fuck away from her. 

He moved away from her slightly, and sadness slowly replaced the fear in his eyes as he looked back at her. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, before he stood and walked away.

The muffled laughs from the others were finally silent.


	8. Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for depression and suicidal thoughts.

**_9:34 Dragon, Circle of Ostwick_ **

* * *

The first time Lily heard the rumor, she had been in the dining hall picking at her breakfast while she studied a book about ice magic. It hadn’t come as a surprise to her, exactly - every apprentice in the circle was expected to undergo something called a Harrowing at the age of nineteen, and she had become of age a few weeks prior.

From what she could tell, no one knew much about it but there was one thing she and every other apprentice in the tower had noticed.

Some of the apprentices who had been called upon never came back. 

Whenever one of the beds in the apprentice quarters remained empty, the others voiced hopeful theories. Some of them thought they might have been allowed to go back to their families, while others thought they had been simply transferred to a new Circle. Of course, there were also a few who assumed the missing apprentices had been made tranquil and were sent to serve a distant chantry. 

No one had dared to say the theory that hung heavy over them all, the theory that was too awful and unjust to ever say out loud.

It was for that very reason most reacted with fear whenever someone made it to their nineteenth nameday.

But not Lily.

For her, it meant that she finally had something to look forward to. Everyday felt like a battle for her, and she was tired of fighting when there was nothing and no one left to fight for. 

She just hoped she’d get to see her family again.

The quiet murmurs had followed her everywhere she went for weeks, until she finally chose to take refuge in the library’s silent halls. It was where she was one afternoon, as she read through an assigned tome about healing magic, when she heard the light clanking of armor come up from behind her.

Her finger hesitated on the page when she heard the Senior Enchanter’s voice. 

“Trevelyan. Please come with us.”


	9. Light

**_9:35 Dragon, Circle of Ostwick_ **

* * *

Sunlight streamed in through an open window that was too high to look out of, illuminating the tiny specks of dust that floated through the air.

Lily wasn’t sure if she had ever noticed them before her Harrowing.

There had been a time when she preferred to sit in the dim alcoves in the library with nothing but a candle to illuminate the pages she had been so intent on reading over and over again. This time, she was settled in a nook just out of reach from the sun’s rays. 

She stretched out her hand towards the light.

The heat on her skin felt different compared to the heat of the torches and fireplaces that were stationed throughout the circle. It was a gentle kind of warmth, the kind that reminded her of the many days she had spent outside with her family when she was a child. 

Her skin was pale now, enough so that she could see the faint blue and green veins running throughout her hand. 

She sighed as she looked back down at the book in her lap.

It turned out that her new title of Mage had given her a little more liberty to do as she pleased in the afternoons, and she had spent most of them in the library reading books she would have normally overlooked instead of leaving the tower. Other Harrowed mages had the opportunity to leave for a little while to visit family, but she didn’t have a family to go to anymore.

Leaving the tower would have been difficult if she had mustered up the courage to try - it wasn’t lost on her how much she looked like her mother, and risking the chance of being recognized by her extended family and enduring their ire was something she’d rather avoid. 

She often thought about Raphael, the cousin she had once thought of as a brother. Would he even want to see her if she were to suddenly appear at his family’s doorstep? Probably not. His silence throughout the years only proved he wanted nothing to do with her, and she didn’t blame him.

So instead, she stayed in the Circle and chose the company of the many books she still used to try to escape her reality. While they were an effective way to distract herself from the nightmares she’s had since her Harrowing, she found she actually  _ liked _ learning about different types of topics she had ignored in the past. 

The book that had caught her attention that day was about geology, in regards to the formation and appearance of crystals, along with their unique healing properties.

_ The appearance of amethyst crystals can vary - some have been found with deep, purple shading while others have a light lilac color which can be almost translucent when held up to a source of light. Its healing energy is useful in treating mild headaches or migraines, and can also be used to ward off nightmares. _

Lily sighed as she turned the page, briefly wondering if she would ever have the chance to see one in person.


	10. Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for implied canon typical violence.

**_9:37 Dragon, Circle of Ostwick_**

* * *

_Kirkwall’s chantry has been destroyed._

Months had passed since First Enchanter Daria and Knight-Commander Andris had delivered the news, and the flurry of rumors and hushed conversations that had soon followed showed no signs of dissipating anytime soon. 

Lily had tried to overhear these conversations while keeping her nose in the many books she had found herself unable to read, and with each murmur, the dread that had settled in the pit of her stomach grew heavier. 

_...the Knight-Commander lost her mind and was killed by a mage with the help of her own men…_

_...the First Enchanter turned into some sort of abomination..._

_...mages are escaping Kirkwall..._

Lily wasn’t exactly sure what it all meant, but it was enough to make her very uneasy. What was happening?

Some of the mages appeared to be nervous and silent just like she was, while others seemed downright eager to continue their excited whispers whenever a templar’s back was turned. The conversations usually took place in the dark and secluded areas in the library, so Lily was surprised and somewhat tense when she overheard a few people near her speaking in hushed voices while in the Senior Mage Quarters as everyone settled in for the night. 

Everyone knew that templars were stationed along the hall, sometimes just outside their door. What were they thinking?

Lily sighed as she turned onto her side to face the wall and clutched her mother’s locket before closing her eyes. She quietly hoped their conversation would go unheard.

“This is it - it’s finally happening.”

“It’s disgusting that you’re happy about this.”

“And why shouldn’t I be? Someone like us has managed to do the unthinkable. Besides, the blasted Chantry had it coming!”

“Now is _not_ the time for your puns.”

“What pun?”

“Enough! Hundreds - possibly _thousands_ of people are dead. This wasn’t the way to go about things!”

“Are you sure about that? Because it sure worked for the ones who escaped Kirkwall.”

“This was _wrong - ”_

“Who gives a shit? The Circles are beginning to fall. That’s all that matters.”

Lily’s eyes flew open. _The Circles were falling?_

“Keep your voices down!” hissed another voice from the far end of the room. “Do you want the fucking templars to overhear? Do you want them to put that fucking brand on all our foreheads?”

Silence settled over the entire room when the sound of clanking armor came from outside their door. 

Lily felt as if she couldn’t breathe.

Her heart felt as if it was about to beat out of her chest as she tucked her mother’s locket into her nightgown and placed a protective hand over her father’s poetry book. For the first time since she was a child, she began to pray the verses her mother and father had taught her, all while trying to keep her breathing steady.

The seconds that passed felt eternal. The sound of heavy footsteps and armor finally faded down the hall, and it was only then when the whole room dared to breathe. 

Lily swallowed as she pulled the poetry book close to her chest and fought the tears that began to sting her eyes. The bickering that resumed sounded distant as her mind began to race. If what she just heard was true, what was going to happen to them? Would they all be made tranquil? Would they be killed? Mages were already walking on eggshells as it was - the destruction of almost an entire city which resulted in innocent lives being lost would do nothing but cause even more violence.

Sleep didn’t come for her that night - all she could think about was what could possibly be in store for them all.


	11. Wait

**_9:38 Dragon, Circle of Ostwick_ **

* * *

The storm that had been brewing for months was getting ready to reach Ostwick’s shores. 

Lily could feel it.

News of rebelling circles arrived almost every few weeks. The regular correspondence had slowly come to a halt, and some of the mages in the tower were panicking at not being able to keep in contact with their loved ones. Templars watched each mage even more closely than before, and they didn’t escape the mages’ careful scrutiny, either. 

First Enchanter Daria and Knight-Commander Andris had announced that the Ostwick Circle would remain neutral throughout everything that was happening, and would not be getting involved in any possible conflicts that may surface in the Free Marches. Despite this, everyone’s eyes were still on each other, almost as if they were just waiting for someone to make the first mistake.

Lily tried to do what she had always done - she kept her head down, didn’t attract much attention, and kept her nose in her books, but the suffocating feeling in the air was beginning to get harder and harder to ignore. 

It didn’t help that most of the mages were frightened just like she was. Some of them worried in silence, while others were unable to keep themselves from voicing their fears while they were retiring for the night or when they were in the dark corners of the library.

_Can we really trust anyone right now?_

_What if they invoke the Right of Annulment?_

_Would they really slaughter us all just to prevent us from rebelling?_

They were worries and questions no one could really answer.

All they could do was wait.


	12. Alone

_**9:38 Dragon, Circle of Ostwick** _

* * *

The tension that had thickened the air for so long finally shifted.

Templars began to leave the tower slowly, a few trickling out almost every week until only a handful remained. Where did they go? No one was very sure. A few of them muttered something about having lost faith in the system they once believed in, while others simply left without a word despite the Knight-Commander’s orders.

The mages who were excited about the spreading rebellions were quick to take advantage of the situation. They sneaked away in the middle of the night, and no one had been around to stop them from escaping the place that once held them prisoner for so long. 

There was no order anymore, and Senior Enchanter Lydia confirmed it one morning, when the halls were even emptier than the night before. 

“As you all know, the rebellion has become wide-spread. Most of the Circles have fallen, and ours may be the next, considering how much our numbers here have diminished.” She paused briefly as she took a small breath. “You all need to leave here, in case things get worse.” 

Lily’s body felt heavy with sudden dread as murmurs swept through the dining hall.

Lydia pressed on, despite the increasing commotion. “King Alistair has granted mages sanctuary in Redcliffe. You will be safe there.”

“Assuming we even _make_ it that far,” blurted a male voice. “What makes you think we’ll survive getting to the shores of Ferelden, let alone all the way to Redcliffe?”

Lydia’s stern features softened for a moment. “None of you will be leaving this place empty-handed. I will personally see to it that all of you will have what you need to keep yourselves safe on your journey.”

“We won’t _be_ safe if templars get their hands on our phylacteries,” said a woman, who was clearly becoming agitated. “It doesn’t matter where we go, they would hunt us down!”

“Your phylacteries are being kept safe in an undisclosed location,” replied Lydia, after a brief pause. “Rogue templars will not be able to use them to find you, you have my word.”

A tense silence settled over the whole room, and Lily knew the thoughts running through the minds of the people around her were similar to hers. 

Even if Lydia was telling the truth about their phylacteries, they have all been sheltered in the Circle for most of their lives - they have been taught only what the Chantry had wanted them to learn, and basic survival skills had never been one of their priorities. 

They were basically helpless.

“Are you and the First Enchanter leaving with us, too?” someone asked.

“Not yet,” said Lydia. “We will be staying here with the apprentices while we get a few matters sorted.” 

Lily’s heart was pounding in her chest and her quiet demeanor was completely forgotten as she processed Lydia’s words. “I - I don’t understand,” she said, her voice shaking as she met the Senior Enchanter’s dark eyes. “We’ve spent the majority of our lives in this place. Are you really expecting us to just step out of this tower alone and fend for ourselves in a world most of us haven’t seen since we were children? During a time of _war_?”

“I have complete faith in your abilities, and so should you,” replied Lydia, her voice firm. “And none of you will be alone - you will have each other.” She looked around the room, looking at each of them for a moment before glancing at the floor with an odd expression. It looked like something else was on her mind, but whatever it was, she didn’t express it. “You leave in two days. There will be a ship stationed at the docks, and it will be ready to set sail to Amaranthine by then.” 

She left the dining hall without another word, leaving them all staring after her retreating form in shock as they tried to make sense of what was happening. 

“This is insane,” someone whispered.

Lily turned her gaze to the remaining mages around her. Some were staring blankly at the stone floor, while the rest met her eyes with the same quiet panic that was coursing throughout her own entire body. She swallowed as she felt her stomach churn.

How the hell would they ever do this?


	13. Ties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for anxiety and referenced suicidal thoughts.

**_9:38 Dragon, Circle of Ostwick_ **

* * *

Lily’s heart pounded in her chest as she stared at the stack of neatly folded clothes on her bed.

_This isn’t your bed anymore._

They were all due to leave within the hour, and she was finding it difficult to step out of the robes that kept her tied to this place. She knew that once she did, it meant she was leaving for good and that thought alone was enough to keep her frozen in place.

All this time, she had longed for freedom, enough so that she once considered disappearing from the world in order to obtain it. Now that Lydia was simply handing it to her, she was suddenly afraid of the world she hasn’t seen much of since she was dragged from her home so long ago.

The fear kept her awake for the past two nights, and she found herself unable to eat anything more than a small piece of bread without getting sick to her stomach. The books she once used so often to distract herself were completely useless. No matter how much she tried to read, her mind wouldn’t leave her alone.

_What’s going to happen to us? What if Lydia was wrong and templars somehow got their hands on our phylacteries? Would they be ready for us as soon as we set foot in Ferelden? Would they take us as prisoners or would we be killed? What if -_

“Lily?”

The thoughts rushing through Lily’s mind came to an abrupt halt as she startled. She quickly looked back at the doorway and found Clara, one of the mages who was also getting ready to leave, looking back at her with concern. She was already dressed in the traveling clothes Lydia had handed out earlier that day, and there was nothing but exhaustion and uneasiness in her expression as she took a step closer.

“Are you alright?” she asked quietly.

_No._

Lily nodded as she looked back down at the clothing on the bed. “Yes, I - I just need a minute.”

Clara looked at her for a moment and nodded in understanding. “We’ll be in the main hall.” 

Lily listened to Clara’s footsteps as they faded down the hallway. The loud, heavy sound of boots now replaced the quiet whisper of slippers. 

It was the sound of finality. 

Lily’s breathing grew shallow as another familiar wave of dread washed over her and she tried to swallow the sobs that threatened to escape her. If she prayed, would the Maker listen to any of her pleas? She didn’t bother answering her own question as she carefully pulled out her mother’s locket from beneath her robes and pressed it to her lips with shaking hands.

The many layers of clothing covering her skin finally began to fall onto the floor, one by one.


	14. Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for anxiety.

_**9:38 Dragon, Ostwick** _

* * *

The mages were silent as they stood in front of the heavy metal doors of the main hall. 

A few of them stood completely still as they waited for the large doors to open while others fidgeted with the hem of their coats or with the buckles of their trousers. Lily wasn’t sure if it they did it because they were as restless and terrified as she was, or because they were completely unused to the thicker fabric that now clung to their bodies. She tugged on a clasp at her neck that was holding her cloak in place and shifted her feet. Perhaps it could be a bit of both.

Her boots felt heavy and stiff compared to the delicate slippers she had worn for so long. It was odd to make so much noise with every step and to be unable to feel the cold stone floor beneath her feet. The trousers that now loosely hugged the shape of her legs felt confining yet somehow comforting at the same time, and she wasn’t sure if she liked it or not. 

She swallowed as her thoughts went directly to the pouch that was tucked into the breast pocket of her coat. It lay heavily against her pounding heart, and not because of the coin it held.

Her phylactery was nestled within the coins, still full with the blood that was taken from her when she was just eight years old.

Lydia must have hidden them in each of their pouches. Lily glanced around at the people around her. Did anyone else know what they were currently carrying?

“The ship leaves in a few hours, just before nightfall,” announced Lydia, as she took her place in front of the group. “You all have the supplies you need, but if you decide to go into town, be sure to not take too long.” She looked at each of them again with the same odd expression on her face from two days ago, and swallowed. “Maker be with you all.”

She stepped aside as the heavy doors slowly opened with a groan. 

The warm glow of the setting sun streamed into the hall, illuminating every dark corner the torches and candles were unable to reach with their flickering light. Lily squinted her eyes against the light as she willed herself to look farther out into the distance. 

The stone path she had once walked on as a child as they led her into the tower so many years ago was before her, leading out towards dirt, grass, trees, and rolling hills as far as her eyes could see. She stared in wonder at the varying shades of green and brown that were so different from the dull colors she had grown so familiar with. 

Everyone was frozen in place for a few seconds, apparently reluctant to take the first step. It wasn’t until one of the mages near the front of the group finally began to walk forward that the rest followed suit. 

The sight that had greeted them while they were in the main hall was nothing compared to what surrounded them when they finally stepped through the large doorway.

The sky was bathed in vibrant shades of orange and pink, with hints of golden yellow shining through the thin clouds. The setting sun made everything from the trees to the dirt look soft and warm, despite the cool breeze that caressed Lily’s face for the first time in years. 

She felt her chest swell with emotion at the sight.

The paintings throughout the circle were a poor imitation of the beauty that was before them all. They never caught the movement of wind through the trees and tall grass, the rustling sound of branches and chirping birds, or the clean scent of the earth. 

It all took her breath away.

The Circle’s doors shut behind them with a creaking thud. They all startled at the sound and looked back towards it before looking at each other, suddenly aware of their reality and unsure of what to do. 

The awe at their ethereal surroundings was replaced by fear and wariness. They were silent for a few seconds before Clara looked in the direction of the town. 

“Shall we?” she asked, her expression tense. 

Lily’s stomach dropped at the idea of heading back into the familiar town she had once considered her home. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to handle seeing the places she had regularly visited with her family without possibly falling apart, but now wasn’t the time for her to be focusing on the sense of loss that continued to weigh so heavily inside of her. 

A few mages shifted nervously. 

“Would that really be a good idea?” one of them asked. “The people there might realize we’re coming from the Circle.”

Clara gestured to the clothes she was wearing. “Without our robes, we might be able to blend in,” she said, her voice uncertain. “Either way, we still need to head in that direction to get to the docks.”

“If it works, we could be able to get more supplies before we leave,” someone added.

Lily’s pocket suddenly felt heavier. “Wait,” she whispered.

Everyone looked at her expectantly, and she swallowed before glancing around to make sure they were alone. “If we go into a shop, we need to be careful with our coin,” she said quietly, hoping they would catch her meaning.

They all hesitated and slightly nodded in understanding, much to her relief. 

“How the hell she did that, we’ll never know,” someone murmured.

They proceeded to walk towards the many buildings in the distance in tense silence, keeping a wary eye out for anything or anyone that seemed to be heading their way. The crunching of dirt and leaves underneath their boots was almost enough to distract Lily from the fact that she was about to step foot in the town she hasn’t seen since she was dragged away many years ago.

Almost.

Her heart was still racing, her limbs still felt heavy, and her entire body felt like a wooden board with every step she took. She pulled on the hood of her cloak and inhaled the clean scent of the air around her - she had to keep it together, at least for now.

The streets of Ostwick were empty for the most part when they finally stepped onto the stone roads a while later. The sun was almost set and there appeared to be only a few people walking around. 

Whatever they were going to do, they had to hurry.

Lily stared at her surroundings as they all followed one of the mages to a general shop that was located near the central market. She didn’t recognize much of what she was seeing. Was it possible that the town had changed so much since the last time she was walking these same streets with her family? Or had she simply forgotten what the town was like? 

She was suddenly desperate for something, _anything_ , that would remind her of her family, that would give her some sort of semblance of the life she once had. The thought of it all being gone made her chest constrict in a way that she found it hard to breathe. It couldn’t all be gone, could it?

They arrived at the shop a few minutes later. Half of the group decided to wait outside while the other half went into the shop to browse for anything useful, and Lily found herself wandering away from the group to look down one of the torch-lit streets that seemed oddly familiar.

She froze the moment she spotted a rookery tower in the distance. 

It was the same tower that belonged to one of the Trevelyan homesteads, specifically the one that was occupied by Raphael’s family. 

She took a few hesitant steps forward as the image before her blurred. It was the closest she’s ever been to her family in years. 

Would Raphael be there? It wouldn’t matter. She had lost her brother the moment she hurt him. Not just him, but her whole family. 

The thought of possibly trying to find her old home was unbearable. She tried to take a deep breath as she fought back the sob that was threatening to erupt from her and wiped her eyes with her sleeve before quickly making her way back to the group.

There was nothing left for her in this town anymore. 


	15. Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for anxiety, nausea caused by anxiety, and eating disorder.

_**9:38 Dragon, Amaranthine** _

* * *

The few days spent at sea had been difficult, to say the least.

Most of the mages couldn’t get used to the constant swaying of the floor beneath them. A few of them had gotten sick from the movement of the churning waves that repeatedly crashed against the ship and had opted to stay below deck the entire way. 

None of them spoke much. There was no need to, not when there was an air of silent understanding among them all. 

When the ship set sail, they all remained huddled together as they watched the lights of Ostwick fade into the night. Their silence was heavy in the air despite the sound of the wind whipping around them and the ship’s crew calling out to each other. Each of them silently said their goodbyes to the life they once had, knowing very well that they would never return. They stood there for what must have been hours until someone finally pointed up at the sky. 

There was no stone ceiling to block their view of the twin moons and the thousands of glittering stars that were scattered throughout the night sky. 

Lily found herself looking up at the two moons and their stars every night until they finally arrived in Amaranthine. She wasn’t sure if she had ever appreciated them when she was a child. Was it possible she had taken them for granted, just like so many other things? 

The ache in her chest that made itself known the moment she spotted the rookery tower only grew at the thought.

She had desperately wanted to leave Ostwick - there were too many memories there, and although they were from happier times, each one brought her a new wave of pain she wasn’t prepared for. Now that she was finally gone and walking the streets of Amaranthine, it felt as if a piece of her was left behind and it was taking everything she had to keep holding herself together. 

She kept her eyes on the ground as she quietly followed the rest of the mages towards a small inn on the opposite side of the town, all while clutching her mother’s locket in a tight fist. She wanted to see the moons and the stars again, but couldn’t bring herself to look up from paved road. Her limbs felt heavy and shaky with every step she took and she wasn’t sure if it was from her own fear, or because of the new chill that seemed to hang heavy in the air.

Would they even be welcome here? What were they going to do if they weren’t allowed to stay?

Flickering lights illuminated the ground as the door to a building was pulled open. She looked up as the mages around her began to walk inside and took a breath before following them. 

It was warm and quiet inside, with only a few other people seated at a table and talking quietly among themselves. A few of them cast a curious glance in their direction before joining the conversation again. Braziers illuminated the entire space, along with a large fireplace on the far side of the room. It may have been a comforting sight to anyone else, but all Lily wanted to do was to run out of the building.

Her stomach churned when she caught the scent of roasted meat and baked bread wafting through the air. She brought her fingers up to her lips and swallowed. When was the last time she managed to eat anything? She honestly couldn’t remember. 

“Welcome,” called a burly man from behind the counter. He looked at them for a moment before gesturing to a table in the far side of the room, some distance away from the people who were still in deep conversation. “You all look like you could use some time to yourselves. Have a seat, I’ll be right with you.”

Lily tensed when she noticed the man looking at her with a frown. 

“You look familiar,” he added, as he reached for a plate. “Have you visited Amaranthine before?”

Lily remained quiet as she shook her head, confused at his question.

The man merely shrugged as he pointed to the table he had previously gestured to before pulling out a couple of mugs from behind the counter. “Make yourselves comfortable. I’ll be over in a moment.”

They all quietly made their way towards the large table and rigidly sat down, unsure of what else to do as they waited.

No one seemed to be paying much attention to them, much to Lily’s relief. It seemed the traveling clothes Lydia had given them were enough to help them blend in with the people in town. 

Lily loosened a breath as she glanced at the mages around her. Some of them were restless as they looked around the inn, while others stared blankly at the table in front of them. They all looked as exhausted and wary as she felt. She leaned back in her seat and wrapped her arms around herself.

“When should we leave?” one of them suddenly whispered. 

Lily’s stomach dropped.

“We haven’t slept or eaten well in _days_ ,” muttered Clara, as she narrowed her eyes. “We need to gather our bearings before we do anything else.”

The male mage who had spoken frowned. “We can’t stay here long. You heard what the Senior Enchanter said - the only place where we will be safe is in Redcliffe.”

“Look around you,” said another mage, as he leaned forward in his seat. “We barely managed to make it _here_. There is no way we can make it all the way to Redcliffe in this state.” 

“Emmett - ” 

The other mage’s retort was cut short when the inn’s owner and a woman approached their table to set down steaming mugs of tea in front of them. 

“We’ll be bringing you all something to eat in a second,” he said as he wiped his hands on his apron. “Will you be needing rooms?”

“Yes,” stated Emmett, as he gave a pointed look at the mage who huffed in frustration. “Thank you.”

The man gave them a nod and left, leaving them all in silence once more. 

Lily stared at the mug in front of her for a moment and leaned forward to sniff at the steam drifting through the air. The distinct scent of lemon and mint washed over her, and she wrapped her hands around the warm mug before lifting it to her lips. 

It was different compared to the simple mint tea she had been drinking over the years, but she found herself taking a few more sips when she felt a soothing sensation begin to settle in her stomach. 

The meaty broth that the inn’s owner had set in front of her a few minutes later, on the other hand, was going completely untouched. 

Clara nudged her elbow gently. “You should try to eat something.”

Lily glanced in her direction and shifted away from her. The mere idea was enough to make her stomach churn, but she knew Clara was right. It had been days since she managed to eat anything, and the gnawing emptiness in her stomach was becoming difficult to ignore. 

She took another sip of tea and eyed the broth in front of her before dipping her spoon into the bowl. 

The flavor was rich and slightly salty. It was vastly different compared to anything she had ever eaten before - simpler, but yet satisfying. She sipped her tea and ate slowly, occasionally picking at a piece of bread while trying to ignore the bickering coming from the other side of the table.

“Three days - no more than that.”

“We’ll leave when everyone feels able to do so,” Emmett snapped quietly. 

“We’re putting too much at risk by staying here! The Senior Enchanter wanted us to - ”

“What she wanted was for us to be safe,” Clara chimed in. “We can’t do that if we’re being reckless!” 

Lily grabbed the brass key next to her half-empty bowl and stood from her seat. “Excuse me.” 

She felt everyone’s eyes on her as she walked around the table and quickly strode towards the stairs, to where her room was supposed to be. Her head was beginning to pound and she couldn’t stand hearing the other mages argue anymore. The stress from the last couple of days was beginning to catch up to her, and she wasn’t sure how much more she’d be able to handle. 

All she knew was that she needed to be alone. 

Her room was small and quiet, with the exception of a crackling fire coming from the fireplace. Moonlight shone through a small window next to the bed, and she immediately rushed over to it and fiddled with the lock before sliding it open. 

She closed her eyes for a moment as the cold air swept over her face.

It was odd to have such a quiet space all to herself after years of having to share quarters with other people, and she wasn’t sure if she liked it or not. She was suddenly alone with the same racing thoughts that had plagued her since Lydia told them they all had to leave the confining safety of the Circle, and it was as if they were growing louder now that they had finally left Ostwick. 

_What were they going to do now? What if they were kicked out of the town? What was going to happen to them? Would they even make it to Redcliffe?_

Her breathing began to grow shallow and she quickly fumbled at her neck to loosen the clasp that was holding her cloak in place. The clothes that had replaced her robes were beginning to feel constricting, and she wanted - _needed -_ to be free from their bonds. 

The pouch of coin fell on the floor the moment she flung her coat away from herself, and she froze when she remembered the small vial of blood that was nestled within.

The others had quietly destroyed their phylacteries the moment they had gotten on the ship, but for whatever reason, she found herself unable to do it. Her blood still swirled inside the glass as if it had been collected seconds ago. She still remembered how it left her body when she was just a child, and how it seemed to have a mind of its own as it poured itself into the same vial that was now resting in the palm of her hand. 

She took a shaky breath as she heated the glass with her magic. Whatever enchantment it had burned away after a few seconds, and her blood began to bubble within the glass. 

Tears filled her eyes as she quickly chucked it into the fireplace. The sound of shattering glass and sizzling liquid were the last things she heard before she lowered herself onto the floor and finally allowed herself to cry, all while clutching her locket and poetry book close to her chest.

That blood wasn’t a part of her anymore. It represented a part of her life that was now over, and its destruction gave way to the unknown.


	16. Wake

**_9:38 Dragon, Amaranthine_ **

* * *

Lily flinched awake when a dog began to bark loudly right outside her window.

Her room was dimmer than it should have been, and judging by the light outside, it had to be past noon. She had slept much more in the past few days than when she resided in the Circle, and she wasn’t sure why. Perhaps it was simply her body trying to recover from the stress of their journey, or maybe it was because there was no one else in the room with her that she needed to watch out for. 

Whatever the reason, she was just glad that she couldn’t remember the dreams she probably had throughout the night.

She sighed as she rolled over in bed, her gaze immediately going to the fireplace that now held nothing but ash. The shattered remains of her phylactery had been swept away long ago, but she still remembered how it felt in her hand as she burned it, how it shattered the moment it hit the stone wall after she threw it into the hungry fire. It was odd to know that the thing that once kept her leashed to the Chantry didn’t exist anymore. It had been destroyed, and by her own hand. 

All the weeping she did afterwards had left her numb and exhausted. The few tears that escaped her since then have been silent, and last night was no different.

She pulled her blanket up to her chin and considered staying in bed for the rest of the day - she wouldn’t be needed, anyway. Her eyes were beginning to slide shut again when a light rustling sound came from outside her door. 

A small, folded piece of parchment was slid underneath the door and into her room. She frowned for a moment before she moved to get up, ignoring the stiff protest of her body. 

> _Come join us when you wake. We’ll be downstairs, at the table next to the fireplace. - Clara_

Lily sighed as she tucked the note into her pocket. 

She hadn’t seen the others much since they arrived at the inn unless it was necessary. The tension among them grew more and more the longer they stayed in Amaranthine, and she didn’t want to be around their constant arguing. Part of her wondered if she should weigh in with her own opinion in case the other mages could be convinced to stay, but every thought she had on the matter was already exhausted by Clara and Emmett. 

Tonight would only hold more of the same, and Lily wasn’t looking forward to it. She redid her messy braid and shrugged into her coat before making her way downstairs.

The common area wasn’t as crowded as she was expecting it to be, and she quickly found everyone settled right where Clara said they would be. Some of them were leaning forward in their seats and speaking in hushed tones, gesturing wildly in frustration while others looked like they wished to leave the table. 

Lily was tempted to just head back to the quiet of her room, but knew there was no way to avoid the situation when Clara caught her eye and waved her over with a small smile.

The rest of the group turned to look back at Lily and she found herself suddenly wishing she had just stayed in bed. 

“Oh, look who decided to show up.”

Lily hesitated as she met the hard eyes of the mage who was so adamant in leaving.

Emmett narrowed his eyes. “Back off, Simon.” 

“Figures,” scoffed Simon, as he leaned back in his chair. “I can only guess which side she’s on, given the fact that she rarely leaves her room.”

“All of this has been very difficult for most of us,” said Clara, as she leaned forward in her seat. “I’m sorry we’re not dealing with things as easily as you are.”

“You think this has been _easy_ for me? Since we’ve arrived here we have done nothing but wait around! We’re easy pickings for any tem - ”

“Keep your voice down!” Emmett hissed quietly, before looking around the mostly empty room. “If you’re as worried as you claim to be, then be careful with those loose lips of yours.”

Simon sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. But you need to realize that we can’t stay here anymore. The Senior Enchanter told us to go to Redcliffe for a reason. It’s the only place where we’ll be safe.”

Emmett glanced at Clara and sighed. “That might not be the case anymore,” he said tentatively. “Clara and I have gone around the town a few times. Things may be a little tense, but it’s calm overall and the people treated us as if we were any other refugees traveling through the area.” 

Lily felt a strange sense of relief as she caught on his meaning, but unfortunately, Simon and a few of the other mages stared at Emmett and Clara as if they had grown two heads.

“What exactly are you saying?” asked Simon, as he narrowed his eyes. 

“We could just stay here,” Clara said simply. “Blend in with the crowd.”

“You can’t be serious.”

Emmett raised a brow. “And why not? It’s better than risking our lives trying to get to Redcliffe.”

“This isn’t what the Senior Enchanter said to do - ”

“Yeah, well, she’s not exactly here to tell us otherwise, is she?”

Simon glared at the mages sitting across from him. “You’re making a mistake.” 

“Leaving would be the bigger mistake,” said Clara. She stood from her seat and walked around the table to stand next to Lily. “Emmett and I can guide you all around the town. Maybe if you saw it for yourselves, you might change your minds.” 

Simon clenched his jaw and glanced at the mages next to him. After a beat of silence, he shook his head. “We’ll stay here.”

Emmett sighed as he rose out of his seat. “Suit yourselves. We need to go get a few supplies, but we’ll be back before dark.” He turned to the rest of the mages, who had been listening to the whole exchange with wide eyes. “Do any of you want to join us?”

They immediately clambered out of their seats and hurried over to stand next to Clara. 

Lily’s heart began to pound in her chest as Clara turned to look at her. 

“You should go get your cloak,” she said, as she glanced at a nearby window. “It looks like it might rain soon.”

A protest began to claw its way up Lily’s throat at the mere suggestion of having her leave the inn they had been staying in since they arrived. While the panic and despair that had been so overwhelming a couple of nights ago slowly lessened into a somewhat tolerable sense of wariness, it was still hard for her to leave her room, let alone the building. 

But… if she was going to stay in the town, she needed to at least be familiar with it. 

The air was cold and damp when they stepped out of the building a few minutes later. Lily found it had a familiar clean scent to it, one that was pleasant and brought back distant memories of a time spent playing in puddles with Raphael. She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath. 

The cloak she was wearing did little to shield her from the icy wind whipping through the town, but it didn’t bother her much. The only benefit of having an aptitude for fire magic, it seemed. 

She remained huddled within the group as they followed Clara and Emmett’s lead, and while Lily tried to pay attention to the many shops they pointed out, she found herself distracted by the dark clouds that were settled over the town like a thick blanket. The blue sky was completely obscured, covered by rolling shades of gray.

When was the last time she had seen the sky like this? 

Whatever worry she had of leaving the inn was forgotten as she heard - or rather _felt_ \- a rumbling sound coming from above. 

A few people around them began to dash down the streets, suddenly eager to get to wherever it was they were going. 

Lily flinched at the sensation of something cold and wet landing on her nose. She wiped at it with her hand, only to find a faint trace of small water droplets on her skin. A large drop landed on the back of her hand, closely followed by another on the sleeve of her coat.

More began to fall from the sky, until a light shower began to cover them all with sparkling droplets.

The mages around her seemed enraptured just like she was as they all stared up at the sky, and the same awe she had felt the moment she stepped out of the Circle washed over her once again as she watched the rain fall for the first time in years.

A bright streak of lightning sliced through the clouds, closely followed by booming thunder that seemed to rumble through the earth. 

While other people screamed and hurried to get out of the rain, Lily and the rest of the mages stood in place and marveled at the beauty of the sharp streaks of light in the sky. They felt the icy water trickle down their faces and into their clothes, watched as their breathing created white puffs in the air.

Lily pulled her hood down and turned her face up to the clouds.

It was the closest she’s felt to peace in years.


	17. Together

_**9:38 Dragon, Amaranthine** _

* * *

The mages who had insisted on leaving were gone a few days later. They disappeared in the middle of the night without a word, leaving nothing behind except a single note that stated their decision.

Emmett and Clara’s attempts at tracking them in the surrounding forest yielded nothing, even when Lily and the rest of the mages also tried searching for some kind of sign of where they had gone. In the end, their frantic attempts were futile - by the time they realized Simon and his group had left the town, it was too late to possibly catch up to them. 

The days that followed were tense and silent. 

Lily regretted not voicing her opinion when she had the chance to. Maybe if she had openly supported Emmett and Clara, Simon and the other mages would still be safe in Amaranthine and not traveling through a foreign country that was plagued by war. 

She said as much one evening and apologized for her silence as they all picked at their supper over quiet conversation. 

“They were already set on leaving,” Emmett replied, as he offered Lily a sad smile. “Aside from paying the innkeeper to keep them locked in their rooms all the time, there wasn’t much any of us could have done.”

“All we can do now is pray that they reach Redcliffe safely,” said Clara. She sighed as she leaned back in her chair. “Hopefully, the supplies the Senior Enchanter handed out are enough to keep them safe on their journey.”

It was then when Lily remembered the healing potions and the few vials of lyrium that rested in each of their bags. As far as she knew, templars didn’t have access to either anymore, at least not through the Chantry. She quietly hoped Simon and his group wouldn’t have a reason to use them. 

She looked around the table at the mages that remained. It was only recently that they learned each other’s names despite having grown up together in the Circle. While they had all kept entirely to themselves in the past, that wasn’t an option anymore - things were vastly different now, and they needed to be able to rely on each other if they were going to make it in this intimidating world that was so new to them.

 _Especially_ since there were so few of them left.

Lily knew Emmett and Clara had been taking the brunt of it all. They had taken on the responsibility of bringing some sort of order to the group while looking after everyone at the same time, and it wasn’t fair to them, not when they were also trying to get used to their new reality.

Clara wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Now, since we’re going to stay, we need to find some sort of work to do. The coin we have will be running out soon.”

Lily froze just as she was taking a sip of tea, and the rest of the mages shifted in their seats, the stew in front of them completely forgotten.

“But we don’t know how to do anything,” said Irene, as she furrowed her brows.

“We’re not _that_ helpless,” piped up Alsen. “We know how to do a few things, we just… need to find ways to use what we learned in the Cir - in _Ostwick_ \- here in Amaranthine.” 

“That’s right,” smiled Emmett. “It might take some looking around, but we’ll manage.”

“I used to help my mother cook when I was younger,” said Helena tentatively, as she looked around the table. “Maybe I can talk to the innkeeper?”

“That’s a great idea,” replied Clara, as she gave Helena an encouraging smile. 

Lily stared at Helena for a moment as she wondered what had become of the young woman’s mother. Was she safe? Did they keep in touch with each other? 

She shook her head slightly. It was none of her business. 

“Well, I need to go pick up a few things,” said Clara, as she stood from her seat. “We need some more soap and yarn. I might stop by the bookstore and get some books too. Does anyone want to come along?”

Lily took a deep breath as she set her tea down on the table. Instead of declining and locking herself in her room for the rest of the night, she nodded as she stood from her seat.

“Yes.”


	18. Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for blood and minor injury.

**9:38 Dragon, Amaranthine**

* * *

A few dried leaves crunched beneath Lily’s boots as she walked towards the outer edge of the forest surrounding the town. 

It was almost ridiculous how much she liked the sound. 

Leaving her room was becoming a little easier every day once she realized just how calm and relaxed Amaranthine was. When she wasn’t spending her time wandering the streets with the rest of her group, she was exploring the greenery she had been so deprived of when she was living in the Circle. Every shade of green and brown held a depth and richness that was difficult to describe, and it captivated her.

While the sight in Ostwick had been almost ethereal in its beauty, she found she preferred the lush nature of Amaranthine much more. Perhaps it was simply because everything around her felt much more alive and real, or maybe it was because everything was so different and distant from the place that was once her home. There weren’t any memories here that made her chest hurt more than it already did - it was simply a clean slate, and it both relieved and scared her. 

Would she slowly begin to forget her family now that she had left her home behind? 

The thought alone was enough to make her heart sink, and she sighed as she wiped away a few unshed tears with the sleeve of her coat. 

She knew that focusing on the fear and grief that had dominated her whole life would only keep her from doing what she needed to do to get by, but part of her was unwilling to completely let go. Her fingers traced the worn leather edges of her father’s poetry book in her pocket, and she felt her mother’s locket against her skin.

She may not be in Ostwick anymore, but she was resolved in keeping her family close to her heart.

The path before her began to turn slightly muddy as she continued to walk. The earth was softened from last night’s rain and she couldn’t remember if she had ever considered the scent of wet dirt to be pleasant, but in that moment, it was simply divine.

The air around her got even colder when she neared the large pepper tree she had basically claimed as her own. Its swaying branches and leaves rustled in the breeze as a few birds flitted around, apparently on the hunt for any insects they could possibly find. A few of them peered down at her curiously as she began to climb the knotted trunk.

She settled into a crevice at the top of the trunk, where many thick branches divided and began to lead off in different directions. Her body felt as if it was being cradled within the wood as she stared up at the swaying branches and chirping birds above her. 

Up until a few days ago, she never once thought she’d be able to rest among a tree’s branches again. 

When she first explored the tree, she was immediately taken back to when she was a child, when she and Raphael had spent most of their time running around in the estate’s yard. Despite her wariness, he was the one who had taught her how to climb the trees around their home, much to her mother’s dismay. 

Lily couldn’t help but wonder what became of him. While she might not ever find out, she was just glad he was within the safety of Ostwick’s walls and far from the threat of war surrounding them all.

She sighed as she pulled out her poetry book and flipped to the page she had bookmarked.

> _I know a place where the sun is like gold,_   
>  _And the cherry blooms burst with snow,_   
>  _And down underneath is the loveliest nook,_   
>  _Where the four-leaf clovers grow._
> 
> _One leaf is for hope, and one is for faith,_   
>  _And one is for love, you know,_   
>  _And God put another in for luck—_   
>  _If you search, you will find where they grow._
> 
> _But you must have hope, and you must have faith,_   
>  _You must love and be strong—and so—_   
>  _If you work, if you wait, you will find the place_   
>  _Where the four-leaf clovers grow._

Lily’s throat tightened upon seeing a small note in her father’s script squeezed into the margin, right next to the poem.

> _A little something to remember._

The page blurred slightly as her eyes filled with tears. 

“Lily!”

Helena’s voice caused Lily to slightly jerk in surprise. She quickly wiped her eyes before sitting up in the tree and turned to find Helena walking over to her. 

“Clara wanted to - ” her smile dimmed slightly. “Are you alright?”

Lily nodded as she tucked her book back into her breast pocket, making sure to keep her face slightly turned away. “I’m fine, just a little tired. What’s going on?” 

“Clara wanted to know if you were still going to the bookstore later today. She was wondering if you could pick up an order for her.” 

“I’ll go now,” said Lily, as she began to make her way down the tree. She was just about to reach the ground when her left hand slipped along the trunk, and she froze the moment she felt something rough and sharp painfully drag along the side of her hand. 

Blood began to ooze out the wound. 

“Damn it,” muttered Lily, as she fumbled for her handkerchief. 

Helena peeked around her shoulder. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” replied Lily, shoving her hurt hand into her coat pocket. She would definitely need to take a look at it later, once she got back to her room. But first, there was an errand she needed to take care of. “Do you want to go with me?” 

Helena blushed and shook her head. “I’m going to the pier with Alsen,” she said shyly. “We want to take another look at the water now that we’re not seasick.”

“Oh, really?” Lily smiled, slightly raising a brow. “Just be sure not to come back too late - Clara was getting ready to send out a search party last time.”

“That happened once, and it wasn’t even dark!” protested Helena, as her blush deepened further. She paused as her expression turned thoughtful, almost sad. “Do you think we’ll ever be able to live our lives just like everyone else, without having to look over our shoulders all the time?”

Lily’s smile dimmed. “I don’t know,” she said quietly. “But right now, being careful is the best thing we can do.”

The threat of the war that appeared to be spreading throughout Thedas remained unspoken between them. There was no point in mentioning it out loud, not when it has been weighing on each of their minds for almost a year. 

Helena sighed as she turned her gaze to the ground. “I guess.”

Lily wished she could have given her a better answer, one that didn’t remind her of the possible dangers of the new world they were now living in. She sighed quietly as she turned to the path that led to the town. “Come on,” she said with a small smile. “Alsen must be waiting for you.”

They walked back to town in relative silence, only stopping briefly to say goodbye as they each went their own way. Lily wasn’t very used to walking around the town by herself despite having done so a few times in the past, and she willed herself to remain calm as she adjusted her cloak around herself. 

No one seemed to pay much attention to her as she quickly made her way to the bookstore, much to her relief. The people she saw simply went about their own business as they did their chores for the day or stopped to chat with other people while a few children ran around the streets. 

It was almost easy to forget there was a war going on with how relaxed everyone was, and Lily couldn’t help but wonder how long the calm would last. 

The bookstore was emptier than usual when she stepped inside a little while later. She supposed it was a good thing - the few times she had been in the shop, it was with her group and she never once spoke with the owner. At least no one would be around if she made a fool of herself. 

“I’ll be right with you, dearie!”

Lily turned to find the elderly woman who owned the shop behind the counter. She gave Lily a warm smile before turning her attention back to the young man she was currently helping, who had also turned to look in her direction.

“Come on, now!” said the woman, as she lightly batted at the man’s arm. “Let’s get this done, yes?” 

The man blushed and quickly turned back around just as Lily began to wander over to a few bookshelves in the other side of the shop. 

Being around so many books reminded her of all the time she had spent in the Circle’s library. While she may have used that time as an escape, now she found herself using Amaranthine’s bookstore as a way to simply be entertained. She had found herself feeling restless as the days went by - the rigid order she once had while in the Circle was completely gone, and there were moments when she didn’t know what to do with herself. 

The small bookstore had brought on a sort of relief every time she stepped inside. Perhaps it was because no one was forcing her to be there - she was free to come and go as she pleased. 

She paused as she considered the idea of asking the owner about possible work. Most of her group had found some sort of job to do while she was still trying to figure out what she could do, and she needed to figure out something quickly. The coin she had left wouldn’t last much longer. 

She chewed her lip as she wondered how to bring up the topic with the owner and was about to head down another row of bookshelves when something glimmered in the corner of her eye. 

A large, jagged crystal with varying shades of purple sat high on one of the shelves, reflecting the soft light that was coming in through a nearby window. 

_The appearance of amethyst crystals can vary - some have been found with deep, purple shading while others have a light lilac color which can be almost translucent when held up to a source of light._

Lily took a few slow steps forward, watching as the light seeped through the fissures on the crystal’s surface. She reached out and slowly traced one of the rough edges before carefully picking it up with both hands. It was slightly heavy and she ignored the slight throbbing in her left hand as she held it up to the window.

The entire amethyst crystal seemed to glow as it drank in the light, and she was captivated at the sight of brightness fracturing and reflecting off the cracks within.

“It’s beautiful, yes?” 

Lily jumped slightly upon hearing the old woman’s voice behind her. 

The woman was looking at the crystal with fondness, clearly proud of owning something so precious. She walked closer as she adjusted her glasses and brushed off a small speck of dust from the shining surface. “This lovely stone is very useful - can help with the worst headaches.”

“I hear it can ward off nightmares too,” said Lily quietly. 

The woman raised a brow and smiled, a pleased look on her face. “Ah, I see you’re familiar with it.”

Lily hesitated as she considered her reply. “I’ve read a few books about it, but this is the first time I’ve ever seen one in person.”

The woman nodded in understanding. “It’s always a wonder to see one of these beauties. When I first saw this one, I - ” her face scrunched up into a frown as she squinted her eyes. 

Lily scanned the crystal in her hands, her stomach sinking as she wondered if she had possibly damaged it somehow. “What is it? Maker, did I - ”

“What happened to your hand, dearie?”

It was then that Lily realized the woman was staring at the bloodied handkerchief that was still wrapped around her left hand. “Oh, it’s nothing, I just - ”

“Dearie, I have seen many injuries in my time, and that is definitely not ‘nothing’ as you so put it,” replied the woman flatly, as she gently took the amethyst crystal from Lily’s hands and set it back on the shelf. “Now, come with me.”

Lily’s eyes widened as the woman grabbed her unhurt hand and pulled her along, leading her towards the counter near the front of the shop. 

She reached up and pushed down on Lily’s shoulders, making her plop down on the stool behind the counter. “Wounds like those could easily get infected,” she said, and she reached into a shelf and pulled out a small box. “It’s very important to take care of them quickly.” 

Lily shifted in the stool, uncomfortable at being looked after in such a manner. “This - this really isn’t necessary, I was going to look at it later - ”

“And there’s no need, since I’m going to look at it right now,” replied the woman, her voice holding no room for debate as she wagged a finger in Lily’s direction. She set the box down on the counter. “I’ll be right back.”

She disappeared inside a back room, and Lily eyed the entrance to the shop. 

Would she be able to run out before the woman returned? 

Before she could even shift in her seat, the woman stepped out of the room, wiping her hands on a clean towel. 

“Alrighty,” she said as she opened the small box in front of her to reveal a glass jar containing some sort of salve, another with a clear liquid, and many clean bandages neatly stacked within. 

Lily stiffened when the woman reached for her hand and began to slowly peel off the bloody cloth. The fabric stuck to the wound in some places, and pain lanced through the side of her hand as the handkerchief was carefully tugged away. 

The woman clicked her tongue. “Goodness, this wound is _filthy!_ ” she hesitated as she gently held Lily’s hand between her own for a moment and lightly pressed one of her hands to Lily’s forehead, her tone immediately becoming more concerned. “You feel warm, dearie. Are you feeling alright?”

Lily’s heart began to pound in her chest as she shifted on the stool. How was she going to explain the abnormal warmth of her skin? She cleared her throat as she leaned out of the woman’s reach. “I feel fine.”

The woman looked at her for a moment and gave a small nod. “Well, if you begin to feel sick in the next couple of hours, be sure to go see one of the healers.”

“Y - you’re not a healer?” asked Lily, surprised.

“Oh goodness no, dearie! What little I know has come from dealing with my unruly children,” she chuckled. “Now try to stay still, this might be a little painful.” 

The woman was surprisingly gentle as she worked, and Lily found herself trying to take control of the emotions that swelled in her chest. The last time anyone had taken care of her like this was _years_ ago, back to when her mother and father took care of any little injury, whether it was a scraped knee or a random cut she got from playing with Raphael in the yard. 

Maker, she missed them. 

“There, all done,” smiled the woman, as she secured the bandage in place. “Now, be sure to rest that hand of yours for a few days.” 

Lily cleared her throat and swallowed as she offered the woman a small smile. “Thank you.” 

“Of course! Now, what was it you came into my store for today?” asked the woman, as she put away her supplies.

“I - I need to pick up an order for a woman named Clara.”

“Ah, yes! I have it right here.” She pulled out a package wrapped in thick parchment paper with a small note on top. “And what is your name, dearie?”

“Lily.”

The woman smiled and jotted something down in a large, worn book. “My name is Mabel, dearie. Be sure to tell Clara I said hello.” 

Lily smiled back at her and nodded. “I will.”

Mabel secured the twine around the package and slid it over to Lily. “It was nice meeting you, Lily. If there’s anything else I can do for any of you, don’t hesitate to let me know.”

Lily hesitated. Surely she couldn’t ask Mabel for anything more, not after she had already done so much for her. It was just too much.

But… what other choice was there?

She swallowed. “Um...”

Mabel pushed her glasses further up her nose and looked at her expectantly.

“Do you happen to be hiring?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem here is called “Four-Leaf Clover” by Ella Higginson.


	19. Blush

_**9:39 Dragon, Amaranthine** _

* * *

“Alright dearie, the books in that crate belong on this shelf over here.” 

Lily followed Mabel over to a bookcase with many empty shelves. The wooden crate she was carrying weighed a lot more than she was expecting it to, and her arms strained as she did her best to not drop it when she kneeled to carefully set it down on the floor. “Would you like me to put them in alphabetical order, like the other set?” 

“Yes, dearie. When you’re done, I need you to dust off the top shelves. This old woman is too short to reach those,” chuckled Mabel. 

Lily smiled and nodded. “Of course.”

They both glanced in the direction of the bookstore’s entrance when they heard the door open and close. 

“Let me know when you’re done, dearie.” Mabel wiped her hands on her dress and walked off to the front of the store. 

Lily settled on the floor as she prepared to get to work and read the title of every book she pulled out of the crate. There was a much wider variety of subjects and genres compared to the usual scholarly books in the Circle, and she had read her fair share of books in the past months since she started working. So far, she’s read though many educational volumes about different types of wildlife throughout Thedas, informative handbooks of medicinal plants that also contained detailed sketches of each one, some more books about geology, and even a few romance novels that turned out to be a _lot_ more descriptive than she had been expecting.

She always made a point to keep an eye out for anything she or anyone else in her group would be interested in, and it turned out Clara and Helena had taken a special interest in the smutty novels that had left Lily red in the face. Emmett, Alsen and Irene, however, mostly preferred the ones that had a sense of adventure to them and took them to places one could only dream of. 

It felt odd, to live what one would assume to be a normal life after years of being imprisoned within stone walls. As time passed, they had all become more comfortable with their new life, and it led to them working together and helping each other instead of trying to fend for themselves like they did in the Circle. 

Strangely enough, Lily found she didn’t mind it. It was actually nice to have someone to talk to once in a while.

She slowly learned a few things about them as they all got to know each other more, such as their likes, dislikes, and new hobbies they had taken an interest in. No one was very open about their life before the Circle, but based on what they _did_ share, it seemed as if their stories were similar to hers. She understood why they avoided speaking too much about their past - there were things that were painful enough to think about, let alone say out loud. 

Lily was ashamed that it took her so long to realize they all had their own stories, just like she did. She had been buried so deep in her own mind and grief for so long while she was in the Circle, that she never stopped to think the rest of the people around her were most likely going through the same thing. 

But at least things were different now.

She set aside a few romance novels to take back to the inn as she finished stocking the shelves. Just as she was about to get up from the floor, Mabel walked up to her with a grin on her face.

Lily felt herself smile in amusement at the woman’s cheeky expression. “What is it?”

“I see you’re going to stock up on more lovey dovey books, yes?”

“T - they’re not for me,” Lily stammered, as heat rushed to her face. 

Mabel placed her hands on her waist and raised a brow.

“Well, not _all_ of them,” sighed Lily. Her cheeks felt like they were on fire. “Maker, can we change the subject?”

Mabel chuckled as she surveyed Lily’s work. “Don’t worry, dearie! There’s no judgment from me.” She gave a small nod of satisfaction as she picked up the empty wooden crate and tried to fight back another smile. “By the way, the young man who has been making puppy eyes at you for who knows how long showed up a few minutes ago. Seemed a little disappointed when you weren’t around.”

Lily shook her head slightly as she rolled her eyes, silently dismissing Mabel’s words. “He’s a regular customer. I’m sure he was just interested in finding something to read.”

“You keep telling yourself that, dearie. I know a smitten man when I see one,” smiled Mabel, as she walked away with the crate.

The blush on Lily’s face refused to go away, and if she wasn’t mistaken, Mabel apparently took great amusement in teasing her for it. She sighed as she picked up the dusting rag and began to clean the top shelves, paying no mind to the woman’s words. 

That was a part of her life she had no interest in exploring with anyone else. 


	20. Read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for cringe xD (and for drunk advances)

_**9:39 Dragon, Amaranthine** _

* * *

Lily sighed as she stepped out of the bookstore and tugged her coat tighter around her torso.

She had planned on spending the day helping Mabel in her shop and then going to bed early with some new books, but her plans were quickly nullified when Clara stopped by that afternoon. 

Apparently, she and the rest of the group were going to spend the evening in the tavern near the town’s pier, and she wanted Lily to join them. While she previously accepted Lily’s excuses and refusals at her past invitations, she remained particularly insistent with her prodding. 

Unfortunately for Lily, Mabel overheard the conversation and was quick to take Clara’s side. _It would do you a lot of good, dearie! Distractions can be good for one’s noggin._

In the end, Lily’s protests were waved away by them both, and Clara only left the shop when Lily finally agreed to go. 

That was the reason why she was slowly making her way towards the lively building in the distance that was surrounded by a few groups of people who were engaged in loud conversations. She briefly considered turning around and heading straight to the inn, but she knew Clara and Mabel would question her about it later. 

It was best to just get it over with. Besides, it probably wouldn’t be as bad as she was expecting it to be. Clara had convinced the others to go to the establishment a couple of times, and Lily knew they wouldn’t keep going if they thought the place was unsafe. 

She tensed slightly when a few people glanced her way as she got closer, but she forced herself to keep her stride as she passed by and pushed open the tavern door. 

The muffled noise from within turned into full blown chatter and music, and the coolness of the sea air was quickly chased away by the warmth of too many people packed into a small space. The smell of ale and roasted meat drifted through the air. There had been a time when those scents alone would have caused her stomach to churn, but they didn’t bother her as much anymore. 

The only thing that made her uneasy at the moment was being surrounded by so many people she didn’t know, and she quickly looked around the crowded room to see if she could find Clara.

Instead, she spotted Irene waving at her from an isolated corner of the tavern, with a goblet in her hand. 

Lily gingerly made her way around tables, scattered chairs, and groups of people, only releasing her breath when she finally settled down next to her. 

Irene offered her a goblet filled with wine and grinned. “Clara dragged you here, too?”

Lily shifted in her seat and crossed her legs. “She and Mabel teamed up this time,” she sighed, as she carefully took the goblet from Irene’s hand. “I didn’t stand a chance.” 

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, she basically escorted me here.” Irene nodded at a table not too far away, where Clara and Emmett were sitting close and talking to each other. “But it’s not so bad - at least the music is nice.” 

Lily glanced over at the small band that was playing a fast and joyful tune, nodding slightly in agreement. It was different compared to the slow music that was occasionally played in the Circle. She smiled when the band began to dance along to their own melody. 

While she may not be very fond of crowds, the music alone was enough to make her want to accompany her group a little more. 

“Where are Helena and Alsen?” she asked, as she took a small sip of wine.

“ _Those_ two are probably somewhere over _there,_ ” said Irene, as she gestured to a particularly crowded area. “I left when their love-struck expressions started to make me nauseous.”

Lily snorted into her goblet. It wasn’t lost on any of them just how close Helena and Alsen had gotten over the past few months.

Irene shifted in her seat to face Lily completely and smirked. “You know, it’s kind of similar to how your many suitors look at you - specifically, the one that always goes to the bookstore.”

“Maker,” Lily sighed as she rolled her eyes. “Not you, too.”

Irene quickly shifted again to face away from her and raised her goblet to her lips. “Speaking of…”

Lily frowned at her for a moment and jumped slightly in her seat when she felt an insistent tap on her shoulder. Her stomach sunk when she looked up to meet the eyes of the young man everyone and their mother kept teasing her about. 

“Hello,” he smiled, swaying slightly in place.

Well, this was new. 

Lily gave him a tense smile in return and leaned slightly away from him when she caught a strong whiff of ale. “Hi.”

“So… I don’t usually do this, but ever since I first saw you I’ve been wanting to find an excuse to talk to you,” he said, his speech slightly slurred. He gave her a lopsided grin as he took a step closer, and the smell of ale grew even more pronounced. “You’ve made it kind of difficult, though - you’re very difficult to read.”

Lily narrowed her eyes at him and leaned further away. “Perhaps it’s because I’m a person and not a book.” 

His eyes widened in shock for a moment before he huffed a small laugh. “Fair enough. Want to dance?”

She stiffened as her heart began to pound in her chest. The mere idea of being close to him and having his hands on her was enough to make her skin crawl. “No, thank you.” 

He tilted his head in confusion, as if he was having trouble understanding her words and shrugged dismissively. “How about a drink instead?” 

Lily frowned at him. The polite demeanor he had whenever he visited the bookstore was completely gone and replaced by something insistent and forward, almost demanding. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat and gestured at her full goblet, which was shaking slightly in her hand. She gripped it tighter. “I already have one.”

He frowned for a moment and sighed as he leaned away from her. “Suit yourself. Can’t blame a guy for trying, though.”

Lily loosened a breath as she watched him stumble away into the crowd and leaned back in her chair with a sigh.

“Maker, what a dickhead,” gasped Irene. 

Lily glanced at her, ignoring the few people who were curiously looking in their general direction. “I wonder what Mabel would say. He’s never shown up at her shop like _that_ before.”

Irene was looking at her with a face full of regret. “I’m sorry, Lily. If I had known just how much of an ass he was - ”

“It’s not your fault,” said Lily, as she dismissed her apology. “He surprised me, too.”

“Do you want to leave? I can go tell Clara and Emmett what happened,” Irene offered, as she glanced over at them. 

Clara caught their eye and beamed as she waved them over, while Emmett gestured at the two empty seats across from them. 

“I’ll tell them later,” replied Lily as she stood from her seat, suddenly eager to join them. She was worried about the possible consequences of what had happened, but she didn’t want everyone’s night to be ruined just because that man decided to act like an idiot.

She’d just have to keep her guard up from now on.


	21. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for implied character death.

_**9:39 Dragon, Amaranthine**_

* * *

Something was off. 

Lily had sensed it early that morning as soon as she stirred awake. The air was still even though her window was open and the heavy feeling in her stomach remained as she went through her morning routine. She tried to ignore it as best as she could, thinking it was somehow all in her head, but she was proven wrong when she joined her group downstairs for breakfast.

A single glance at them was all it took for her to realize they felt it, too. No one dared to voice their thoughts with so many people around, so they ate quietly, if at all, and went their separate ways to assume their responsibilities for the day. 

The heavy sensation followed Lily well into the afternoon, and was soon accompanied by a persistent lump in her throat that wouldn’t go away no matter how many times she coughed or swallowed. 

Her stomach churned just as she began organizing the new shipment of books Mabel had asked her to put away. What was happening? 

“Dearie, can you come here for a moment?”

Lily hesitated and glanced in the direction of Mabel’s voice. She placed the stack of books she was holding back into the crate and wiped her hands on her tunic as she walked towards the front of the shop, pushing aside the uncomfortable feeling that refused to leave her alone.

Mabel was bent over behind the counter, rummaging through a few wooden boxes.

“Yes?” asked Lily.

“I want to show you something, dearie. Now, if I could only find - oh, _here_ it is!” Mabel stood and set a small wooden box on the counter. “These just arrived a little while ago,” she grinned. “Here, take a look.”

She slid off the top cover and revealed many small gemstones in a variety of different colors nestled within shredded parchment. Some were polished and smooth while others had their natural, jagged shapes and the afternoon light that shone through the windows reflected off the surface of each, giving a distinctive depth or glow to every single one. 

Lily gaped at the colorful stones before her. She remembered a time when she wondered if she would ever have the chance to see at least one in person. Now, not only has she seen and held an amethyst crystal, but she was looking at all of the gemstones she had read so much about while in the Circle - amethyst, lapis lazuli, moonstone, turquoise, quartz, agate… they were all there.

“They’re beautiful,” she said quietly. 

Mabel nodded fondly. “They really are, dearie. I’ve decided to add them to my stock here at the shop.” 

Lily looked at Mabel with wide eyes, trying to keep hold of the rational side of her mind that told her _no, you cannot spend all your coin on these stones._

“However,” smiled Mabel, as she pushed the box towards Lily. “I want you to have one, dearie. Pick any one that you’d like.”

Lily stared at Mabel for a moment, her mouth hanging slightly open. No matter how much she was overjoyed at Mabel’s offer, she found herself unable to accept it. Not when the kind woman had already done so much for her. 

She gave Mabel a small smile and shook her head. “Thank you, but I - I couldn’t.”

“I insist,” smiled Mabel. “Don’t think I haven’t seen you staring up at that amethyst crystal on the shelf over there, completely enchanted, dearie.” Her smile faltered slightly. “You can also consider this an apology for playing up that idiot boy who was bothering you the other night.”

Lily’s eyes widened in surprise. “How did you know about that?” 

“Word travels fast around this town, dearie. Whenever one person makes an ass out of themselves, _everyone_ finds out soon enough.”

Lily nodded in understanding. All the precautions she and her group had taken to avoid the young man turned out to be mostly unnecessary - he hadn’t visited the shop even once since that night in the tavern, and judging from Mabel’s stony expression, she wouldn’t be very welcoming if he did. 

“It’s alright,” assured Lily, as she dismissed Mabel’s apology with a small shrug. “I think he took almost everyone by surprise.”

Mabel sighed as she adjusted her glasses. “Well, that may be so, but I would still like for you to keep one, dearie.” She pushed the box a little closer. 

Lily fidgeted with the hem of her tunic. “I… I don’t want to take advantage of your kindness. You’ve already done so much, with allowing me to work for you,” she admitted. 

“It’s a _gift_ , dearie. There’s no harm done in accepting one,” smiled Mabel.

Lily looked back at her, already feeling her chest tighten with emotion. She almost forgot what it felt like for someone to want to give or share something simply for the sake of being kind, and she wasn’t sure how to react. She hesitated as she looked down at the gemstones, then back up at Mabel. 

“Go on, dearie. Choose whatever grabs your attention.”

The choice was almost impossible. Each stone was beautiful and unique in its own way, and each color reminded Lily of different things. Lapis lazuli resembled the night sky filled with stars, moonstone held the glow of the twin moons, turquoise was similar to the color of the sky, quartz was as clear as the rain that fell from the clouds, agate held every color of the earth, but amethyst…

Amethyst was extraordinary. She had yet to see anything like it. 

The jagged crystal that held varying shades of violet shone in the light as she picked it up. It felt cool in her hand, and she ran her thumb over its smooth surfaces and jagged edges. 

It was perfect.

Mabel grinned. “Going back to the first kind you saw, yes?”

“I think it might be my favorite.” Lily looked up at her and smiled, trying to keep her emotions at bay. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, dearie.” Mabel slid the lid back onto the box and looked up when the door to the shop opened. “Hello there, Alsen!”

Lily looked up from her new gemstone and hesitated when she found Alsen standing in the doorway with a tense look on his face. 

“Hi, Mabel. Do you mind if I speak to Lily for a minute?” he asked.

Mabel shook her head. “Go ahead, dearie! I have a few things to put away.” 

Lily carefully tucked her stone into her pocket and walked over to him as Mabel went into the back room. The heavy feeling in her stomach slowly returned, along with the lump in her throat. There was something wrong, she knew it.

She glanced over her shoulder to make sure Mabel was gone. “What is it?” she asked quietly.

“I’m not sure,” whispered Alsen. “But Clara wants us to meet in her room as soon as we can - she said it’s urgent. When can you leave the shop?”

The weight in Lily’s stomach turned into dread. “In about two hours.”

Alsen nodded as he walked backwards to the door. “Helena and I will stop by to accompany you back to the inn. Irene and Emmett should be back there by then.”

“But - ” 

“We’ll see you later,” whispered Alsen, as he hurried outside.

Lily’s heart pounded in her chest as stared at the door for a few moments before she finally forced herself to move. She quickly walked back to the bookshelves she had been working on, suddenly thankful to have many crates of books to sort.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as she organized every single book, and by the time Alsen and Helena arrived, Lily was all too ready to leave. Not knowing what was going on terrified her to no end and if the uneasy expressions on both Alsen and Helena’s faces were anything to go by, they felt the same way.

It didn’t help that the streets were quieter and emptier than usual as they quickly made their way back to the inn. A tense feeling had settled over the entire town, making the air around them feel still despite the icy breeze that blew through the streets. 

The inn itself was full of people, though their usually loud conversations were now slightly muted. No one paid much attention to them as they made a beeline for the stairs and hurried straight to Clara’s room. 

Irene and Emmett were already there with her, their faces pale and somewhat ashen. 

Lily’s heart began to pound and her stomach churned as the silence dragged on. “Clara?”

Clara looked down at her lap and drew a shaky breath. “I overheard a few people talking this morning while I was at the market,” she said quietly. “Ostwick’s Circle fell a few weeks ago. Word is the apprentices rebelled from within, and - ” she swallowed, “ - one of them killed the Senior Enchanter.” 


	22. Protect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for referenced canon typical violence, and blood.

_**9:40 Dragon, Amaranthine** _

* * *

The heaviness that had plagued Lily for so many years made itself known again the moment Clara informed them all about Lydia’s demise. They all sat in silence for what must have been hours, only moving when they finally decided to retire to their rooms.

Lily had stared at her locket and poetry book the entire night, knowing very well that the only reason she had them was because Lydia had chosen to give them to her despite the Circle’s rules.

And she never once thanked her.

She didn’t thank Lydia for sneaking her parents’ belongings, for the comfort and kindness she offered, or for the generosity that she dangerously wielded in order to get them all to Ferelden safely. 

Instead, Lily had taken it all for granted and never once appreciated the care Lydia tried to give her on so many occasions. The regret settled deep inside her chest as she finally fell asleep around dawn, and it followed her everywhere she went since then.

The air of calm that was once so prominent in the town was gradually replaced by the weight of dread as the months went by.

The fall of Ostwick’s Circle and the death of Lydia had only been the beginning. Ferelden’s Circle fell soon after and word of skirmishes between rebel mages and rogue templars arrived almost everyday. The war was growing - that much was clear. 

More guards were posted all around the town as a precaution, and people were wary of any strangers that passed through. No one kept their fear of mages or templars quiet anymore - they either voiced their worries out in the open or in hushed conversations within the safety of their homes. 

Lily and the rest of the group kept their fears to themselves and remained quiet through it all. 

What would happen if someone found out they were apostates? Would they be thrown out of the town? What about the people they interacted with everyday? Would _they_ suddenly see them as threats, as _monsters_? 

Lily asked herself these questions one afternoon as she wished Mabel a good evening and prepared to leave the shop. She couldn’t help but wonder if the kindness Mabel always radiated would turn into something fearful or hostile if she somehow found out about the magic that ran through her veins.

The thought alone was enough to make Lily’s chest ache. 

She kept her hands in her pockets as she began to make her way back to the inn. The new crystals she had bought that morning quickly absorbed the heat of her hand, the coolness of them completely gone within seconds. She clutched them tighter. 

While she would have loved to buy them simply for the sake of owning them, it wasn’t the reason why she had chosen to spend a large amount of her coin on so many.

No, the crystals in her hand weren’t meant to sit around and look pretty - they were meant to _protect_. 

Or at least that was what Lily intended - she may have read countless books about enchantment while in the Circle, but she never once attempted it. She just hoped it wouldn’t end in disaster.

Her worry was briefly forgotten when a cool breeze swept across her face and she closed her eyes, allowing herself to enjoy the sensation a little longer. Now that she had grown familiar with the sensation of wind blowing on her skin and through her hair, she couldn’t get enough of it. 

Her moment of calm was cut all too short when she heard a distant shout, and her eyes flew open just in time to see a few people running towards the edge of the town. 

Lily tensed immediately at the sight. What was happening?

She took a few hesitant steps forward, wondering if she should head straight to the inn or investigate the crowd of people that was beginning to form in the distance, only to nearly jump out of her skin when someone bumped into her from the side. 

Clara gasped as she grabbed Lily’s arm in order to steady herself. “Shit - I’m sorry, Lily! Are you - ”

“What’s happening?” breathed Lily, as she felt her heart begin to pound. “Why are all those people over there?”

“I’m not sure,” said Clara, as she furrowed her brows. She hesitated as she watched the growing commotion in the distance. “Come on.”

They both made their way over to the crowd cautiously, only stopping when they caught sight of a bloody, injured man surrounded by guards. He was yelling frantically and gesturing at a small group of people who stood off to the side, who were - much to Lily’s surprise - dressed in worn Circle robes. 

“It’s a bloodbath!” the man shouted. “They’re both killing anything that moves out there!”

“W - we _saved_ you from other mages!” retorted one of the male mages who had just arrived. “We didn’t kill anyone!”

“Stop lying!” snarled the man, as he tried to take a step closer. He pushed against a guard who stood in between him and the mages. “No mage or templar can be trusted anymore - they’ve all gone mad!” 

“You know that’s not true! We haven’t - ”

The man tried to shove the guard and turned to the crowd. “None of you saw what I saw - bodies burnt to a crisp! Innocent families butchered into pieces!” he turned and pointed at the mages who were huddled close together. “It’s only a matter of time before _you_ do the same to this town!”

“ _Enough!”_ roared one of the guards, as he grabbed the man by the arm and pushed him towards another guard. “Take him to the infirmary. As for _you_ all - ” he turned to look at the mages. “Follow me.” 

The man’s shouts carried all the way down the street as the guards took him away, leaving nothing but panicked murmurs in his wake. 

Lily’s limbs felt heavy as she watched the guards escort the terrified mages further into the town. What was going to happen to them? 

She jumped when Clara nudged her with her elbow.

There was nothing but uneasiness and concern in Clara’s face as she stared after the guards. “We need to go back to the inn. _Now._ ”


	23. Glow

_**9:40 Dragon, Amaranthine** _

* * *

“Shit.”

Pieces of fractured crystal lay scattered across the table, completely devoid of the energy it once possessed. It was to be expected - trying to enchant anything without lyrium made the process a little more complicated, but not impossible. Lily sighed as she began to carefully pick them up, one by one. 

Screwing up the next crystal wasn’t an option. The spares she had bought were gone, and she didn’t have enough coin to spare on new ones. The rest _had_ to turn out perfect - anything less might not offer enough protection. 

She placed her hands on the table and rested her weight on them for a moment before glancing over at her covered up window. Using her magic to enchant the stones at the inn was risky, and she had to make sure her door and windows were locked and completely covered with thick blankets so no one would see the unnatural glow of light coming from her room. Hopefully, that and the flickering light from the fireplace would be enough to mask anything suspicious. 

Everyone was to meet in Clara’s room a few hours after midnight to discuss what their next plan should be, which meant Lily needed to hurry. 

But before she tried again, she needed to push aside the frustration and impatience that was beginning to build up inside her. She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths before reaching over to pick up a quartz crystal. 

The gemstone was perfectly clear, but if she succeeded, it would gain a light, cloudy glow.

Trying to use the meager amount of spirit magic she had access to wouldn’t work this time, though it didn’t exactly surprise her. It had been immensely difficult to summon a barrier during her lessons in the Circle, and though she sometimes succeeded, it never lasted more than a few seconds. 

It seemed as if the protective magic she wanted to instill into the stone would need a little push. 

Lily hesitated. Would it be worth the risk? What if -

_No._

Everything would be fine as long as she proceeded slowly, and with caution. 

She took another deep breath and focused on gently summoning the small amount of spirit magic she had while allowing a trickle of her fire magic to seep through. Her palms began to glow slightly as she placed her hands over the crystal, and she watched carefully for any sudden changes in appearance as she began to combine the two elements.

Minutes must have passed until the stone finally began to take on the fogginess she had been expecting, but with a slight reddish gleam. 

Lily stared at it for a moment before picking it up. A soft, gentle type of warmth settled in her hand and spread throughout her whole body. The magic within swirled gently as she smoothed her thumb over the crystal’s surface.

It was stable. 

There was no telling what would exactly happen to whoever set off the enchantment since it wasn’t ordinary spirit magic, and part of her hated that she had to resort to such extremes to ensure their own safety. She already hurt one person with her magic, and while it had been an accident at the time, was she really willing to hurt people on purpose _now?_

Was she overreacting? Was there another way to protect themselves? She wasn’t so sure, and it didn’t feel as if she had any other option.

She sighed as she gently placed the enchanted quartz in a leather pouch and turned her attention back to the table.

The process with the remaining five crystals went by surprisingly fast and without any catastrophe, much to Lily’s relief. They rested safely in her pocket as she quietly made her way to Clara’s room, and she braced herself for the beratement she would no doubt receive the moment she took them out of the pouch.

Everyone was tense and silent when she arrived. The incident with the injured refugee and the terrified mages remained heavy on everyone’s minds.

Emmett cleared his throat and glanced at the closed window before speaking. “The mages weren’t allowed to stay.”

“They kicked them out of the town?” Irene whispered. “How could they do that?”

“I heard what that man said,” said Lily quietly. She could still see the anger and terror that had been all over his face. “There was no way the people would have let them stay.” 

“We need to leave.”

They all looked at Clara, who was staring at the floor. “There’s no telling how long we have left before someone discovers us.”

Lily shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she wondered when exactly she should mention the crystals in her pocket. 

“We can’t leave,” said Helena, panic seeping into her voice as she reached for Alsen’s hand. “That man said it was a bloodbath out there.”

“You _saw_ how people reacted to what he said,” replied Clara, as she shifted in her seat. “ If we stay, it’s only a matter of time before they discover us and throw us out of the town anyway, just like they did to those mages.” 

Emmett sighed as he sat down next to Clara. “If we leave on our own, we’ll at least have a chance to prepare. It’s better than them catching us by surprise and making us leave without anything.”

Everyone fell silent as they weighed the heaviness of the situation. The mere idea of leaving the town was enough to terrify Lily, but what other choice did they have?

“We could try to get to Redcliffe,” pondered Irene, as she picked at her nails. “It’s where Lydia wanted us to go in the first place.”

Alsen shook his head. “It’s too far. We’d have to travel straight through the fighting - we’d never make it.”

Irene frowned. “Not with that attitude.” 

“We need to think rationally, here,” sighed Lily, as she kept her voice low. “We all know how to wield our magic, but we don’t have the skills necessary to make it all that way on our own.” She leaned back in her chair. “The Chantry made sure of it.”

Clara nodded in agreement. “We need to try to play this safe. Where did that man come from?”

“I heard he was making his way here from somewhere in The Bannorn,” replied Emmett.

“Traveling along the coast might be our best option then,” said Clara. She leaned back in her chair and sighed. “I guess this means we either go to Highever or Denerim?”

“To get to Denerim we’d have to travel deeper into Ferelden, towards the center of the war,” said Alsen quietly. 

Irene sighed in frustration. “The war is growing everyday. It doesn’t matter _where_ we go, we’ll be in danger either way.”

“And even if we get to either of those cities, what makes you all think we’d be welcome?” asked Helena, her voice wavering.

“I doubt they’d turn away a group of ordinary looking refugees,” replied Emmett, as he gestured to the clothes he was wearing. “Besides, Highever is the queen’s home. If King Alistair is offering refuge to all mages, that means we might be safe there.”

Silence settled over them once more. What they were planning to do was risky at best and completely reckless at worst, just like the enchanting Lily had done.

What if they were making a huge mistake?

“How the fuck are going to do this?” murmured Helena. She leaned into Alsen’s embrace as he wrapped his arm around her. 

Lily swallowed as she tried to keep her rising fear at bay. “By doing what we have done in the Circle for years - by being careful, keeping our heads down, and staying out of everyone’s way.” She took a deep breath as she reached into her pocket and pulled out the leather pouch. “This might also make things a little bit easier if we run into trouble.”

Everyone’s eyes grew comically wide as she poured the glowing gemstones into her hand.

Clara broke the shocked silence first. “Lily, what in the void were you thinking?” she hissed, as she quickly stood from her seat. “What if something had gone wrong - ” 

“Don’t worry!” Lily rushed to explain. “I was very careful and I also made sure the door and windows were completely covered.”

They all looked at the stones warily, not very convinced.

“Why are they glowing red?” whispered Irene, as she took a step closer. 

Lily tensed slightly. “I had to combine both spirit and fire magic to get it to work.”

“And you’re sure they’re safe?” asked Clara.

“Yes,” nodded Lily, as she extended her hand. “See for yourself.”

Clara carefully picked up an enchanted rose quartz crystal and her eyes grew wide as the gemstone enveloped her in its warmth. “H-how exactly does it work?”

“It protects the one who possesses it,” replied Lily. She shifted in her seat and turned her gaze to the floor. “As for the one who breaks the enchantment… I’m not sure.” 

“Well…” sighed Clara, “these will certainly be useful, but Lily, _please_ don’t do this again - at least not while we’re still here.”

Lily nodded as the others picked a stone. “I won’t, I promise. But there’s one thing you should all know - since I'm not able to use lyrium, the enchantments will only last once. We will still need to be very careful.”

Clara examined the crystal closely and nodded. “We need to prepare as fast as we can - stock up on healing potions, rations, _anything_ that we may possibly need.”

“At least we have more of an advantage now,” said Emmett quietly, his expression grim as he tucked his own stone into his pocket.

“What do you mean?” asked Alsen.

“Templars don’t have their usual access to lyrium anymore. Without their abilities, all they have to protect themselves are their swords.”


	24. Leave

**_9:40 Dragon, Amaranthine_ **

* * *

The town was as tense and wary as ever. The injured refugee had stirred the fear that was already brewing within the town, and it was dangerously close to boiling over.

Guards remained stationed throughout the city, keeping a close eye on anyone who appeared suspicious, and thoroughly questioned any refugee who arrived to seek possible shelter from the violence that continued to rage throughout Ferelden. People no longer held carefree conversations in the streets - they all preoccupied themselves with the day’s responsibilities and went straight to their homes the moment the sun began to set. 

Even Mabel, who was usually her cheerful self, was quiet. The time at the shop was mostly spent in silence, and Lily desperately wished she could somehow calm the worried frown that had replaced the kind woman’s teasing grins. Lily doubted Mabel would want comfort from the very thing she possibly feared, so she was glad and relieved when the woman’s grown children began to regularly show up at her shop to keep her company. At least she wouldn’t be alone once Lily left. 

She and her group silently gathered any supplies they would possibly need for their journey whenever they could, hoping to not attract too much attention to themselves. They all still had most of what Lydia had given them, but they had decided that buying a few extra items wouldn’t hurt. 

After a few days of preparations, they were finally ready to leave. 

Well, not _ready_. None of them wanted to leave the town that had basically been their home for almost two years. It was where they first got to experience what a normal life would be like, full of freedom and endless possibilities.

Would they ever have a chance to experience it again?

Lily closed her eyes as she felt the familiar burning of tears and swallowed. Now was _not_ the time for her to fall apart. She quickly wiped her eyes and finished packing her things before tying her bag shut. 

A few tears she was trying to fight managed to escape as she looked around what used to be her room. This was where she learned to adapt to her new life, and now she had to leave it behind. She looked at the fireplace that she had used to destroy her phylactery, the bed in which she had cried herself to sleep so often, the window that allowed her to feel a cool breeze despite being indoors, and the bookshelf that now held all of the books she had acquired during her stay. She wished she could take some of them with her, but she needed all the space she could get for her supplies. 

She quickly strode out of the room, locked the door behind her, and paid her last fee to the owner of the inn before stepping outside into the cold morning air. She glanced in the direction of Mabel’s shop, wondering if she had already read the thank you letter that was left on the counter before turning away with a sigh.

The rest of her group was already waiting for her at the edge of the town, hidden from view from any guards. She couldn’t waste anymore time. 

She walked quietly into the bushes behind the inn and made her way into the trees, making sure to keep the road leading into the town within sight.

Her group appeared a few minutes later, huddled next to her favorite tree. They were all silent as she approached, looking as uneasy and saddened as she felt. 

Clara sighed as she adjusted her cloak. “Ready?”

“Yes,” Lily whispered. Her heart felt as if it was about to beat out of her chest. “Do all of you have the crystals I gave you?”

They all patted the breast pocket of their coats and nodded before turning to look deeper into the forest. 

After a beat of silence, Emmett took a step forward. “Maker be with us.”

Lily felt the outline of her father’s poetry book and her amethyst stone in her breast pocket before bringing her mother’s locket up to her lips, and took a shaky breath as she quietly followed the others deeper into the cover of the forest.


	25. Trophy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for anxiety, eating disorder, implied canon-typical violence and blood.

_**9:40 Dragon, The Coastlands** _

* * *

One thing Lily quickly learned after a few days of trudging through the forest was how unforgiving nature could be despite its magnificent beauty.

The chill that was present in the day was downright uncomfortable at night even with the enchanted crystals everyone possessed, and it was difficult to find any sort of shelter once the sun began to set. Building any sort of fire was _not_ an option, so they tried to keep themselves warm by huddling within large, hidden crevices in the cliff sides when they were too exhausted to go any farther. 

It was one of the few times when Lily’s elevated body heat proved itself to be useful.

She didn’t sleep much. While the fatigue was enough to make the others fall asleep for a few hours at a time, the strange and open surroundings wouldn’t allow Lily to drift off, even though everyone had decided to take turns staying awake in case they heard anything suspicious. It didn’t matter that the others kept barriers up during their watch - any rustling in the bushes or trees was enough to jolt her awake when the exhaustion overwhelmed her. 

Continuing on during the day wasn’t any easier. They were constantly startled by deer, squirrels, and the sudden loud calls of seagulls and ravens. 

Lily’s magic surged to her fingertips every time it happened, though she didn’t dare unleash it. Instead, she kept her hands clenched in tight fists as they slowly walked on, paying attention to any other sounds that could belong to the violence they had yet to encounter. 

“We should stop over there for a little bit,” breathed Emmett, as he pointed to a small, remote clearing that appeared to be at the bottom of a slight slope, surrounded by thick bushes.

Clara looked around nervously. “Only for a few minutes. We’re already moving slow enough as it is.”

“Can you really blame us?” snapped Helena quietly. “This journey is a fucking nightmare - we barely know what we’re doing!”

“I didn’t mean - ”

“Stop it,” hissed Lily. “Now isn’t the time to bicker.”

Emmett groaned quietly as he lowered himself onto the ground. “I think we’ve gotten lucky for the most part. We’ve been on the move for days, and not a single templar or mage so far.”

“I wonder how long _that’s_ going to last,” sighed Irene, as she sat down next to him. 

It was the same thought that had been present in Lily’s mind ever since they left Amaranthine. She couldn’t help but feel constantly on edge, thinking that they could cross paths at any moment with someone who might mean them harm. They may have chosen what was supposed to be the safest way to Highever, but that could easily change at any second.

She turned away when they began pulling a few rations out of their bags. The small bundle of dried mint she had brought with her wasn’t enough to keep the nausea at bay if she caught even the slightest whiff of bread or fruit. She knew she needed to force herself to at least try to eat _something_ \- their journey was difficult enough already and not eating for the entirety of it was not an option. 

Her stomach churned even though it was completely empty, and she sniffed the mint in her bag to try to quell it before taking out a small orange. She was reluctantly peeling a few wedges apart when a squirrel suddenly scurried out of the bushes, causing her to drop a piece as she jerked in surprise. 

“Maker,” Alsen sighed. “I’m so sick of those things scaring us every damn minute.” 

The squirrel twitched its bushy tail and sniffed in Lily’s direction. 

How funny. The Chantry constantly reminded everyone that mages were things to be feared, that they were dangerous weapons at risk of becoming corrupted by demons, and yet here they were - being terrorized by a little squirrel who seemed determined to steal some of their food. 

Lily watched as it slowly inched forward, tentatively sniffing in the direction of the orange wedge she had dropped. She fought the urge to scoot backwards when it got closer and her annoyance turned into slight amusement when it crawled over her boot and took off into the bushes with its new treat.

It appeared the squirrels in Ferelden were just as fearless as the ones from Ostwick. 

She hesitated and looked down at the orange in her hands as she remembered all the times the little creatures managed to outsmart her and Raphael when they were children. 

She swallowed and placed uneaten fruit back in her bag.

They quietly continued on with their hike until the sun began to set, and were lucky enough to find a small cave hidden behind some large knotted tree roots and a few bushes with a curtain of vines obscuring most of the entrance.

It was well into the night when Lily heard it.

Whatever sleep she was fighting abandoned her the moment the sound of a distant explosion echoed throughout the area. She exchanged a panicked glance with Helena as the others jerked awake immediately, and no one dared to utter a single word as they gaped at the entrance to the cave.

They heard laughter and slow, soft footsteps a while later, with what sounded like a rhythmic clanging of metal. 

Was it possible to get a bruised rib from a racing heartbeat? Lily wasn’t sure, but she tried to take deep quiet breaths to calm herself as she kept her eyes on cave’s entrance, already feeling the heat of her magic beginning to gather in her palms. 

She and the others remained frozen in place when the laughter turned into conversation.

“Pathetic - I _almost_ felt bad for that one.” 

“The dolt was _so_ focused on the fucking lyrium, that he never stopped to think if it was a good idea.”

“So much for their Chantry training.”

There was a snort of laughter as they slowly passed by the cave.

Before Lily could fully understand what they were talking about, she caught a glimpse of something that made her blood run cold and made everything click together. 

A templar helmet, covered in what appeared to be splatters of blood, glinted in the bright moonlight as it was casually tossed into the air.


	26. Spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for anxiety, eating disorder, nausea caused by anxiety, vomiting, blood, gore, and canon typical violence.

_**9:40 Dragon, The Coastlands** _

* * *

It had taken every bit of courage they possessed to step out of that cave. The way they saw it, they either had two options - leave the cave and possibly make it to Highever, or stay there until they were inevitably found by someone who had ill intentions. 

No one wanted to meet the same fate as that templar, not when there was a slight possibility they might be able to finally have a chance at living their lives free from confinement. They all silently prayed to the Maker as they left their shelter and exposed themselves to the unknown dangers around them, hoping they wouldn’t run into the people who had taken so much joy in death.

The slow, wary pace they had kept since leaving Amaranthine was now a terrified crawl through the forest. 

Lily wasn’t sure how much longer they could go on. With every passing hour, the feeble hope everyone had seemed to diminish, and instead of seeing any sign that they were somehow close to safety, all they saw was an endless maze of trees and bushes that hid potential horrors.

It was almost impossible for her to do anything besides focus on the fear that now seemed to be a permanent part of her. She couldn’t sleep, could barely eat, and with every step they took, she found herself wondering if it would be their last. 

Would they even manage to make it out of this endless forest? 

“How much longer until we reach Highever?” whispered Irene. 

Emmett rubbed his eyes as he squinted at his worn map. “Given how slow we’re moving... three days. At _least_.”

“We’ll make it,” murmured Clara. Her tired and gaunt expression began to take on a hint of determination. 

“Are you sure about that, Clara?” asked Helena, as she spread out her arms. “Look at us. We’re in worse shape than when we were on the ship _and_ we’re in the middle of nowhere with people who want to kill anything that moves.”

Clara narrowed her eyes. “We’ve made it _this_ long - we can take a few more days.”

“We have no other choice but to press on, Helena.” Irene leaned against a tree and sighed. “You know that.”

“Let’s go,” said Emmett, as he tucked his map into his bag. “We can’t afford to stand around arguing right now.”

Lily remained silent as she followed his lead and tried to pay attention to her surroundings. While the exhaustion that weighed heavily on her may have made it difficult, it wasn’t enough to make her overlook the gradual silence that began to press in on them from every direction.

“Wait,” she whispered. 

The others looked back at her and stayed completely still, waiting for her to explain further, but there was no need to.

She didn’t need to point out the lack of chirping birds, insects, or scampering squirrels, not when the silence in air descended upon all of them like a heavy blanket. 

Alsen frowned. “Does anyone else smell that?”

Lily took a few quiet steps closer to him and sniffed at the air, dread dropping into the empty pit of her stomach like a stone as she realized what it was. 

“It’s blood,” she whispered, as her hands began to shake and grow warm with her magic. “We need to leave, _now_ \- ”

She fell silent the moment she heard snapping twigs nearby, closely followed by the distinct sound of clanking armor. 

They all gaped in the direction of the noise, unable to see anything beyond the thick bushes and trees that surrounded them. The cover that had served as protection from hostile eyes was now concealing the very danger they were trying to keep away from. 

The footsteps didn’t appear to get any closer. It was almost as if they were merely passing by. 

Emmett slowly waved his hand behind him, gesturing them to carefully inch backwards into the cover of the bushes. They only made it a couple of steps before Lily sensed Helena freeze next to her. 

Before Lily could figure out what was wrong, Alsen swiftly clapped a hand over Helena’s mouth in an effort to stifle the terrified scream that began to erupt from her as she gaped down at the ground. 

A hand was sticking out from underneath the bushes, covered in fresh blood. 

Lily was frozen as she stared down at it, only stumbling backwards when her limbs began to feel heavy. Her stomach twisted painfully and she gasped for air as she fought the wave of sickness that washed over her, but it was all in vain when she made the mistake of turning her gaze to what lay beyond the bush.

Bodies of what appeared to be templars and mages where strewn along the ground. Each one lay in its own pool of blood, some of them mutilated or missing limbs, while others had charred armor completely caved into their chests. 

The sickening scent of blood was thick in the air, and Lily was unable to hold back the overwhelming urge to retch into the bush next to her even though her stomach was completely empty. 

“I _thought_ I heard someone around here.”

They all froze when a templar in worn, bloody armor stepped into the small clearing holding a sword covered in gore. He had a slight limp in his right leg, even though he was doing his best to hide it and his muddy face was cold and calculating as he slowly looked them over. 

“I’m afraid you were too late to help your little mage friends,” he drawled. “Such a shame - you missed _quite_ the fight.”

“We’re not mages,” Emmett said flatly. “And we don’t mean to cause you any trouble.”

The templar’s mouth tugged up into a smirk. “That’s quite the spine you have in you, to try to lie to a templar’s face.” 

“He’s not lying,” said Clara, her voice wavering. “And we have no idea who those people are.”

“That’s what every… single… person… says.” The templar shifted in place as he adjusted the grip on his sword, and Lily felt as if her heart was about to burst inside her chest. “Well… if you aren’t mages, then you were here to aid the slaughtered ones behind you. That’s good enough for me.”

Before anyone could react, he lunged at Clara with surprising speed despite his injury, and brought down his sword.

Emmett managed to push her out of the way just as the sword was about to make impact, and a bright explosion of fiery sparks erupted from between him and the sword, illuminating everything around them in a blazing light. 

The force of the enchantment breaking sent the templar flying backwards into a tree. He collapsed on the ground with a heavy thud as a breathless gasp of pain escaped him, and they all stared in shock as they tried to process what had happened. 

“Y - you little shits,” wheezed the templar, as he struggled to get up. “I fucking _knew_ it!”

“What in the void was that? I thought we got rid of - ”

Two more templars barged into the opposite side of the clearing, skidding to a halt the moment they spotted their companion groaning in pain several feet away. They were almost as beat up as he was, though they still seemed alert for the most part as they held their weapons at the ready.

There was a beat of silence and Lily’s entire body trembled even more as she watched them take notice of her and her group huddling close on the other side of the clearing. Her enchantments were clearly more than effective, but they weren’t permanent. 

They only lasted once. 

“ _Mages!_ ” gasped the fallen templar, as he pointed a shaking finger in their direction. “Slay them!”

The terror that was coursing through Lily’s veins finally proved itself to be useful as she quickly turned and shoved at the others, who appeared to be frozen in place. “ _Run!_ ”

They startled at her shout and began to dart through the bushes and trees as fast as they possibly could, ignoring the roars of fury behind them that seemed to be growing uncomfortably louder. 

Lily heard Emmett breathe a curse as he frantically waved a hand in the air, casting a barrier over the entire group as they tried to outrun the shouting templars who somehow managed to remain right on their trail. 

She almost tripped when she heard three consecutive thuds bounce off Emmett’s barrier with a loud hum. 

Arrows?

How long would they be able to run? They were all exhausted, stumbling over thick roots and uneven terrain, and they were already beginning to slow down. Her heart pounded furiously against her ribs, her lungs burned with every gasp she took, and the sharp pain in her side got worse as she forced her legs to keep moving.

A sob escaped from Lily’s mouth as the warmth in her palms grew stronger, and she kept her hands clenched in tight fists as she continued to move. She couldn’t use it - she _couldn’t._

She spotted Clara looking briefly over her shoulder as she continued to run, and the ground underneath them shook slightly before the booming sound of cracking earth came up from behind them, soon followed by shouts of alarm. 

“ _Go around it, you idiot!_ ” 

Another arrow bounced off the barrier seconds later. Whatever Clara had done merely slowed them down - it didn’t dissuade them from their pursuit, and the spells she had cast left her more fatigued than before. Emmett, Irene and Alsen apparently took notice, because they rushed over to her side the moment she almost lost her footing, and Helena frantically took over the barrier Emmett was forced to dispel.

That left only Lily with the growing heat in her palms, and it was then that she knew she had no other choice. 

She risked a brief glance over her shoulder and spotted the two templars shouting to each other as they weaved around enormous ice formations, moving a little slower than when they first began their chase.

The time to do it was _now_ , before they got any closer.

She clenched her jaw as she fought back another sob and flung her arm backwards.

“ _Damn it!_ ”

The templars’ shouts of surprise quickly turned into loud curses as the area they had yet to reach was completely immolated by a series of booming explosions that ravaged everything nearby. The flames that erupted from the ground engulfed every bush and tree in the immediate area with a roar, leaving nothing but a scorching inferno that would singe anyone who dared to come near it.

Lily gasped for air as her legs buckled underneath her, and she barely managed to break her fall by bumping roughly into a nearby tree. Irene and Helena were at her side in an instant, pulling her along and urging her to move forward.

The sound of raging flames and furious shouting grew distant as they all stumbled into the cover of the trees once more.


	27. Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for referenced blood and canon typical violence.

_**9:40 Dragon, Highever** _

* * *

What was supposed to be three days worth of travel turned into four.

There was no way they would have been able to continue on after their near fatal run-in with those templars, not when Lily and Clara had almost collapsed from exhaustion after using the little energy they had on their magic. They forced themselves to put a decent amount of distance between them and the pillar of black smoke that reached up towards the sky, until they finally found an empty cave to stay in for an entire day to gather their bearings. 

Lily had slept for most of it, but only after the rest of the group made her drink a lyrium potion and some tea, along with some type of broth that Emmett managed to prepare. She didn’t have it in her to protest their care, not when she was too tired and weak to even speak. 

It wasn’t until the following late morning that they left the safety of their cave, after Lily and Clara managed to regain what little energy they could to go forward. No one was surprised that the rest of their journey was even harder than before - they all witnessed the violence and gore the war brought upon the land, and even came close to experiencing death itself, after all.

They had all tried to stay alert as much as they could, and since Lily and Clara were unable to risk using any more of their energy, the rest of them took turns maintaining a barrier while the others kept traces of their magic right at their fingertips. They were reluctant to take any chances, especially after everything that happened. 

Lily considered it a miracle that they didn’t run into anyone else as they slowly made their way to Highever. All the destruction she and Clara had caused as they were all trying to escape the templars must have acted like a beacon for anyone looking for a fight. Either that, or it scared everyone into hiding. 

Whatever the reason, she remained unnerved at having been the cause of so much devastation. It was the first time she had ever unleashed so much of her magic at once, and even though those templars were unharmed, she knew her fire had the potential to completely incinerate them. 

...Just like she almost did to Raphael so many years ago.

She did her best to push the memory away as the days went on, to remind herself that it was an accident and that he was alive, but couldn’t find any comfort in her reasoning. 

It’s not like she deserved it, anyway.

“There it is.”

Lily’s thoughts dissipated when she heard Emmett’s whisper. He was peeking through a few bushes as he tucked his compass and map into his bag, and signaled for them to get closer.

Sure enough, the massive iron gates leading into the city of Highever were in the distance, with what appeared to be a few groups of people around the entrance trying to shield themselves from the light rain.

Irene sighed when no one made a move to walk forward. “Can we _please_ go? What are we waiting around for?”

Lily knew the questions that were going through everyone else’s minds. Would they be welcome? What would they do if they were turned away?

Emmett swallowed as he glanced around before stepping through the bushes. “Alright, let’s go.”

They quietly made their way through what once seemed to be an endless forest, and finally stepped out into the open dirt road that led to Highever’s front gates. 

The entrance to the city and its stone walls were lined with armored guards, some walking around armed with swords and shields while others stood at the ready with their bows in hand as they scanned the surrounding area. Some of them turned their intent gaze to Emmett as he led the group closer to the small crowd of restless people who appeared to be waiting to go inside. 

“They’re royal guards,” he said quietly. “Look at their shields - the Theirin crest is on them.”

“Do you think we’ll be allowed in?” asked Clara.

Emmett swallowed. “We’ll see.”

“Alright, all of you, form a line here!” someone called out. “We will be needing your names and we will also be checking your belongings before you’re allowed into the town!”

The implication of the guard’s words made Lily freeze in place. _Oh no._

“Shit,” Alsen whispered. “They’re going to find the crystals and the lyrium, what do we - ”

Emmett shushed him quietly as everyone took their places in line. “We’ve made it too far to turn back now.” He hesitated as he craned his neck to peer ahead of the people in front of him. “Look over there.”

They all turned their gaze to where he gestured to, and much to Lily’s surprise, she spotted a wary group of people dressed in dirty Circle robes near the gates. She watched as a few guards wrote some things down on their clipboards, and after they looked through a few bags, the mages were waved into the city.

“They made it in,” Lily whispered, as relief slowly came over her body. 

Was it possible their journey wasn’t in vain, after all?

“Oh, thank the Maker.” Clara covered her mouth with her hands as she fought back a sob, and Emmett wrapped his arm around her. 

It was a while before they finally made it to the front of the line, and Lily found herself having to take deep breaths when a guard signaled for her to come forward.

The guard looked her over as she got closer. “Your name, miss?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but his question was forgotten the moment she caught sight of the glinting armor on his forearms. 

The Sword of Mercy was engraved into his vambraces. 

Her heart began to pound as flashes of dented and blood-stained armor invaded her mind, along with blood-soaked bodies and limbs, all followed by the cold faces that had seemed to take pride in their bloody swords. 

The image before her blurred and her hands began to tremble as she took a shaky step backwards. 

“Miss?”

She tried to keep her breath steady as she looked up at him, and watched as he looked down at his arms in confusion. A look of realization washed over his face after a moment, and he swallowed before meeting her eyes.

“Everyone is safe here,” he said, keeping his voice calm. “No harm will come to you, or to anyone else in Highever, I assure you.”

Lily stared at him for a moment, unable to find any traces of the cold rage she had seen in the other templars who had been so eager to spill more blood. There was nothing but slight wariness and concern in his face, and it was then that she noticed most of his templar uniform was gone - almost all of what he was wearing appeared to be oridnary pieces of armor covered in small rain droplets, with only his vambraces giving away who he was. 

She didn’t know what to think, but if this templar was working with the king’s guards, then he was probably telling the truth. She swallowed as she glanced over at the rest of her group, who were in the process of having their belongings checked.

They were all staring at the templar warily, clearly remembering the violence they had barely managed to escape from. No one had ever considered the possibility of templars also seeking refuge from the war, let alone helping the royal guard welcome people into the city. After a few tense seconds, Emmett clenched his jaw and gave her an encouraging nod. 

Lily hesitated before she turned back to the waiting templar, who offered her a small smile. 

“Name?”

Another guard stepped forward as he extended his hand. “Your bag, please.” 

Lily stared at the guard’s outstretched hand for a moment before she handed her bag over and turned back to the templar. 

“Lily Trevelyan.”

The templar nodded as he scribbled some notes on the clipboard. “You’ll find the infirmary straight ahead, near the tavern. They’ll be able to take care of any injuries you may have.” 

Lily gave a small nod as the guard handed over her bag, and walked over to join the rest of her group when she was waved forward. 

She wasn’t sure how, but they finally made it.


	28. History

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for depression and referenced blood, injury, and death.

_**9:41 Dragon, Highever** _

* * *

“Maker, this is a nightmare.”

Lily and Clara stood in front of the apothecary table, looking over the numerous occupied cots that were cramped into the infirmary. With every passing hour, templars or guards brought in a new patient with numerous injuries that were no doubt a result from the growing war, and the healers were finding it difficult to keep up.

“A nightmare that has no end in sight,” said Lily quietly, as she turned back to the healing salve she was making. Everything felt as if it was falling apart once more, and it seemed like no one would be able to stop it. “I’m starting to wonder if leaving Amaranthine was even worth it.”

Clara frowned. “Of course it was. Things are… _awful_ , but at least everyone is under the king’s protection here.”

Lily remained quiet as she ground up a few elfroot and eucalyptus leaves in a mortar. She knew Clara was right - no mage had a reason to hide their identity here, even though there were also templars who had taken shelter within the town. While a slight sense of wariness remained between the two groups, they had still managed to somehow work with each other and with everyone else when the feeling of safety was gradually replaced by fear. 

It was more than what could ever be said for Amaranthine. 

But that still didn’t make things any easier, not when the war showed no signs of slowing down, and when it appeared as if all of Thedas would live out the rest of its existence in pure terror. 

The mere thought was enough to fill Lily with an overwhelming type of despair that was almost impossible to push away. It didn’t help that the moans of pain that constantly sounded throughout the entire building were now ingrained in her mind, but she managed to keep her tears at bay as she continued her work.

After a few seconds of silence, Clara sighed and picked up a large basket filled with clean blankets. “I need to go do my rounds. I’ll be back in a bit.”

Lily glanced at her and gave a small nod as she scooped the crushed herbs into a small bowl. 

Part of her _hated_ that it was the most she could do. The small amount of healing magic she possessed could only close the smallest of wounds and it was completely useless for the gaping, bloody injuries so many innocent people seemed to have. 

Making potions and salves was better than nothing, she supposed. At least it meant she could help take care of lesser injuries so the rest of the healers could focus on other patients who were in urgent need of care. 

She added a spoonful of elfroot oil along with some melted beeswax to the bowl, and stirred the fragrant mixture throughly until it had the right type of consistency before carefully making her way over to an old woman who was resting her sprained wrist on her lap.

“I’m so sorry for taking so long,” Lily murmered, as she tried to not disturb the sleeping child next to her.

The woman shook her head and smiled. “I understand, dear. Things are unfortunately very busy around here.”

Lily’s stomach dropped slightly at the pained, worried expression on the woman’s face. It vaguely reminded her of Mabel, and she quickly busied herself by pulling a clean bandage out of her medicine bag. “Is your hand hurting you alot?”

“Enough to bother, that’s all,” replied the woman, with a dismissive wave of her uninjured hand. “My son had it much worse than I did.” 

She looked over at the cot next to her, which held a sleeping man who had a small damp towel on his forhead. 

“Is he alright?” asked Lily.

“Yes, the healers managed to break his fever, thank the Maker.” She sighed as she looked down at the floor, her mind clearly going to a place that made her relive the terrors she had witnessed. “Things are just awful, dear. My children and I barely managed to escape our village. How we managed to make it here, Maker only knows.”

Lily looked at her for a moment before she reached over to gently place the woman’s hurt hand on her knee. She wished she could say something to ease the fear and to bring her some type of comfort, but she found herself unable to form the appropriate words. So instead, she offered a small smile and voiced the first thought that came to her mind. “I’m glad you all managed to get here relatively unscathed.”

“So are we, dear.” The woman watched as Lily carefully applied the healing salve to her swollen hand. “What about you, darling? Is your family safe?”

Lily’s smile dimmed as she felt the familiar ache in her chest grow. She wasn’t sure what to say as the seconds passed, and she knew she had hesitated a bit too long with her answer to be able to get away with a lie. She swallowed as she finished spreading the salve and unrolled the bandage. “I… I lost my family long ago.”

The woman gasped and quickly covered her mouth. “Oh, my dear! I’m so sorry! I did not mean to overstep - ”

Lily shook her slightly and gave her a small smile, willing herself to fight back the tears that have been so eager to fall for the last few months. “It’s alright.” She finished wrapping the bandage around the woman’s hand, and double checked the fastening before glancing at the woman’s face to check for any sign of discomfort. “How does that feel? Not too tight?”

“It feels fine, dear. Thank you.” 

“Of course,” Lily smiled. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

She left the woman to rest and walked back to the apothecary table. The pressure that was building inside her for so long was starting to feel overwhelming, and the woman’s innocent question appeared to be the last thing she was able to handle. Her eyes stung and she rubbed at them with her sleeve, determined not to fall apart in a place where she needed to remain in one piece. 

How long could this go on? 

She had seen so many sick and injured people on the brink of death since arriving at Highever, and not all of them recovered. Some of them died before the treatments they were given had enough time to have any effect, and some of them died days after arriving when their bodies just couldn’t take any more.

People of all ages, violently gone when all they had wanted was to be somewhere safe while the world around them turned into ash. 

How many more would have to die before this fucking war was over?

“Alright, I think we can - Lily? What’s wrong?”

What an odd question. Lily would have laughed at the absurdity of it if it weren’t for the heaviness in her chest that was trying to break free, the same heaviness that had never really left - it just sat patiently, waiting to seize any opportune moment to remind her that it was still there.

She turned her head to the side when Clara peeked over her shoulder and wiped at her eyes. “I’m fine.”

Clara was silent for a few seconds before she finally spoke. “I think we should step out of here for a little while. Fresh air would do us some good.”

Lily shook her head. “I - I need to make more potions, people might need them - ”

“You’ve been replacing every potion and salve the healers have used up, and then some. There is more than enough for the people here, and you know it.” Clara placed her hand on Lily’s arm and began to guide her to the front door. 

Lily resisted slightly as she turned in the direction of the old woman she had just tended to, not wanting to leave in case she was needed. She only relaxed when she saw the woman nestled in her cot, already asleep.

“Come on,” said Clara, as she gently tugged Lily along. “The others should be at the tavern by now.”

The cold night air was almost a shock compared to the warmth of the infirmary. It whipped at Lily’s face as she accompanied Clara down the street, and she clenched her jaw when the smell of fish invaded her nose. It was the town’s main source of nutrition now that the hunters weren’t allowed to leave the city for their own safety.

It was almost incredible how much the town had changed over the course of a couple of months. The sense of safety and calm that had welcomed them all was gone, replaced by the dread that seemed to be spreading to every corner of Thedas. 

Lily hesitated when she heard shouting up ahead.

A crowd was beginning to gather near the tavern, with what appeared to be a few guards standing on some type of platform. 

Maker, what now?

She was seriously tempted to just skip the tavern altogether and go straight to her room to be in the comfort of her bed - staying somewhat oblivious to things seemed better than getting weighed down by more bad news, but her own stupid curiosity made her follow after Clara when she quickened her pace to get a little closer. 

“Quiet, everybody!” shouted a guard. 

He waited a few seconds until the crowd quieted down, and stepped to the side as another guard holding an official-looking scroll of parchment took his place.

“An announcement has been sent from Divine Justinia to all of Thedas,” he declared, as he looked over the crowd. He turned his attention to the scroll in his hands, and began to read out loud.

“ _People of Thedas, the war that has ravaged the lands for so long must come to an end. It is clear that this conflict has the potential to drag on for many more years to come, with no gains for either side. It is time for both mages and templars to understand this. I recognize there is no excuse for my inaction, but now is our chance to set things right. Therefore, I am calling forth a Conclave to be held in The Temple of Sacred Ashes on the first of Firstfall, where we will work together to reach a compromise in order to finally lay this conflict to rest. Maker willing, The Temple of Sacred Ashes is where we will make history, and with luck, we will be remembered kindly for it._ ”


	29. Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for referenced death and canon typical violence.

_**9:41 Dragon, Highever** _

* * *

The news of the Conclave quickly spread throughout the city.

Some people were relieved that there seemed to be some sort of hope on the horizon, while others were outraged that it had taken the Chantry so long to do anything. Arguments and debates regularly broke out in the streets, sparked by those who voiced their optimism and fueled by the anger of those who had already lost so much.

Of course, there were also people who were suspicious of the Chantry’s actions, claiming that this was just another ploy to reclaim what little power they could. These same people believed that the Chantry didn’t care about the many innocent civilians who had been caught in the middle of the war for the past couple of years - they only believed the Chantry wanted to establish their ground again. 

Lily wasn’t sure what to believe. All of these opinions clashed with each other in her mind, and it didn’t help that the rest of her group was engaging in the arguments that were so prevalent in the town. But as the days passed, she found herself wondering if something good could _really_ come out of the meeting the Divine was holding. 

She had seen the destruction and violence that ravaged the lands with her own eyes - was forced to contribute to it to stay alive, even - and had also seen more suffering and death in the last couple of months than she ever thought possible. 

The Conclave was an opportunity to put a stop to all of it, and it was the only one that had made itself known. 

Unfortunately, the rest of her group didn’t feel that way. 

“It's interesting how they had to lose complete control over the two groups they ruled over to make them realize they had a giant mess on their hands,” muttered Emmett, as he glared in the direction of a couple of chantry sisters, who were speaking to a few guards on the other side of the tavern.

“Would it be possible that the Chantry actually means to fix things?” asked Alsen.

Irene frowned as she took a sip of ale. “No. This thing _has_ to be some sort of a trap. Getting everyone in one place is the only way they can sink in their claws again.”

“I doubt it,” said Clara thoughtfully. “The stability they used to have is completely gone, and so are the Circles. Not to mention they’ve lost most of their seekers and templars.”

“ _Still,_ it’s best to not get involved with this,” said Emmett flatly. “Everything that has happened only proves the Chantry cannot be trusted.”

“This war needs to end.” 

Lily kept her eyes on the table in front of her as she felt their gaze shift in her direction. 

“What are you saying, Lily?” asked Helena, her voice growing tense. “Are you suggesting we should - ”

“I’m not suggesting _anything_. All I know is that this war won’t end anytime soon, and this is the only solution that has presented itself.”

Emmett’s frown grew deeper. “We’re talking about the _Chantry_ here, Lily. An institution that brainwashes everyone into thinking that the Maker speaks through them. An institution that branded us as abominations and tore us away from our - ”

“I am _well_ aware of what the Chantry is, Emmett.” Lily narrowed her eyes as she met his gaze. “But doing nothing is getting us nowhere, and there’s no way this war can end without every side placing at least a small amount of trust in each other.”

“Trust?” asked Irene incredulously. “In the _Chantry_ _?_ Have you lost your mind?”

“Look around you,” Lily snapped, as she fought to keep her voice steady. “People are terrified and are dying by the hour. Do you really think anyone can go on living like this for much longer? What other choice is there?”

“Well, we could choose to keep our freedom, for one,” retorted Irene, her face hard. “We didn’t escape those templars in that bloody forest to just hand ourselves back over to the Chantry.”

“Living in fear is _not_ freedom,” replied Lily, as she tried to quell the anger that was quickly beginning to bubble up inside her. Her eyes were beginning to sting, and she resisted the urge to wipe at them. “What good is it that we’re free from the Circle if we’re going to be living our lives in terror?” 

Clara set down her tankard on the table with a heavy thud. “ _Enough_. We can’t afford to argue amongst ourselves right now. Besides, it’s not like we’re going to be attending that Conclave, so there’s no point in speculating on it, anyway.”

Lily caught Clara’s questioning gaze for a moment and turned away. The despair and frustration that had settled in her chest for so long was getting difficult to keep under control, and she was afraid she would make an even bigger mess of things if she stayed. 

She stood and left the tavern without a word.


	30. Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for depression, anxiety, and referenced death.

_**9:41 Dragon, Highever** _

* * *

Lily had been well aware of how the rest of her group kept their eyes on her after her outbursts.

They were there as she automatically went through her usual routines and responsibilities at the infirmary, and when she went straight to bed when each day came to an end. It was obvious they thought she would somehow disappear into the night to attend the Divine’s peace summit, but she didn’t have it in her to bring up topic again to try to convince them otherwise.

Not when she had been quietly planning on leaving when the carriages arrived.

Lily understood their suspicion of the Chantry, and she couldn’t blame them for it. They had all spent most of their lives trapped within their stone walls, completely isolated from the people they loved and cared about, and now that they were finally free from the Chantry’s grasp, it only made sense to not want to risk losing the simple freedoms they had been able to reclaim.

But she couldn’t help but wonder - how long would anyone be able to enjoy those freedoms with the looming threat of war hanging in the air? 

What would there be left if - or when - violence and death destroyed everything in their path?

The possible answers to her questions were enough to convince her to lead the others into a false sense of security as the weeks went by, until the time finally came to depart.

It was well before dawn when she finished packing her few belongings, and while that had been a feat in itself, writing the letter that now rested on what was once her nightstand was something that was infinitely harder to do. 

She was well aware that she was leaving behind the people she had formed a sense of unity and friendship with, and it pained her. They were all there for each other when they first left the Circle, when they took their first steps into a world that was not willing to wait for them as they tried to catch up, and when they had to fight for their lives in what was possibly the most terrifying experience any of them had gone through. 

Those thoughts alone were almost enough to make her want to unpack her things and burn the letter, but she forced them away as she touched her mother’s locket. 

She couldn’t sit around waiting for any more bad news about the war, couldn’t live with her heart in her throat whenever someone in the infirmary passed away from their injuries, couldn’t handle seeing the pain in the faces of the people who had lost everything they had, couldn’t endure the thought of something awful happening to the few friends she had, and she couldn’t stand the thought of living the rest of her life in such a state of constant terror.

No. She just couldn’t take it anymore.

Part of her wasn’t even sure why she was so adamant about going - what would she even do when she got there? What could she possibly contribute to the negotiations? What was going to happen if it really _did_ turn out to be some sort of a trap?

She didn’t know, but trying to take part in something that would probably put an end to the never-ending nightmare that surrounded them all seemed like the right thing to do.

The few tears she had allowed herself to shed threatened to be followed by more, and she quickly rubbed at her eyes before pulling the hood of her cloak over her head and quietly left the room, closing the door behind her. The others were still asleep due to a long night at the infirmary, and she was careful not to make any noise as she sneaked down the hallway and left the inn. 

Groups of mages and templars walked down the street with their packs, heading in the direction where the many carriages were waiting. There was already a large crowd forming at the town’s gates, and Lily quickened her pace to huddle within the crowd. It was the best she could do to avoid being spotted by the others in case they happened to walk by.

Her pounding heart never slowed down as they all waited for the guards to allow them to board the carriages, and it only beat faster once the royal captain spoke to the crowd. 

The horses behind him shuffled restlessly, almost as if sensing the impatience in the air, and Lily found herself reaching into her pocket to trace the worn edges of her father’s poetry book.

“The carriages are ready to board. Please do so in a calm and orderly fashion,” he announced, as his eyes scanned the people before him. “We will take you all the way to the Frostback Mountains. From there, it will be a cold and long hike to the temple, so take a few minutes to make sure you’re prepared. Maker be with you all.”


	31. Snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for brief mention of blood.
> 
> Recommended listening: ["Light of the Seven"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pS-gbqbVd8c) by Ramin Djawadi

_**9:41 Dragon, The Frostback Mountains, The Temple of Sacred Ashes** _

* * *

The two weeks of travel were silent, for the most part. 

It seemed as if the fear that had been coursing through Lily’s body without any type of reprieve for months was now settled into every single person around her. Many people found it just about impossible to sleep when they stopped to make camp and kept their eyes on their surroundings, almost as if something could lunge out from behind the trees and wreak havoc upon them all at any given moment. 

The violence that once echoed throughout the lands was gone. The forests were quiet, almost unnervingly so, just like the bloodied area Lily and her group stumbled into so long ago. Just thinking about what else could be found within the broken clusters of trees and shrubs was enough to make her stomach churn.

One of the few things that had served as a distraction was how her surroundings seemed to change with every passing day. 

The air slowly grew colder, the muddy dirt roads got harder, and the damaged greenery surrounding them all was gradually covered in flecks of white until everything was cloaked in a thick blanket of snow.

Lily had _never_ seen anything like it before. Ostwick was always too warm for it, so she had been forced to rely solely on the descriptions of countless books, along with her imagination. None of that could ever compare to the real thing that was now slowly melting in her hand.

Did her group ever have the chance to see it?

She watched as it dripped down onto the frozen ground, and was brought out of her reverie when a guard began to speak.

“This is as far as we can take you. The Valo-Kas mercenary company will lead the way from here,” he called out, as a cold gust of wind blew through the area, causing a few flakes of snow to swirl through the air. “The temple is at the top of this peak, and you will catch sight of it after a few hours. Do _not_ stray from the path.”

The guard stepped aside, giving way to the path behind him. “I pray everything goes well for all of you.”

And with that, everyone began to make their way up the rocky path that led into the mountains. 

The hike was extraordinarily difficult, enough so that Lily had to pick up a thick tree branch to help her up the steep incline when she became exhausted and out of breath. It eventually got to the point where they all had to stop for a few minutes to rest while under the watchful gaze of the armed Qunari who lined the path.

Their imposing appearance didn’t help the nervousness that was firmly settled in her stomach. One of them had previously explained that they were employed by the Chantry to maintain peace for the negotiations, which made sense in a way, but that did little to quiet her worries. 

It wasn’t until a couple of hours later that the steep path began to level out. Mages and templars gradually began to separate from each other to form their own lines, almost as if they all remembered they were on opposing sides. 

The hike grew even quieter the moment the pointed towers of the temple appeared, with only the sound of crunching dirt and snow filling the silence that was thick enough to cut with a knife. 

Lily’s stomach twisted painfully when the entirety of the temple slowly became visible as they got closer. She reached up under her cloak to feel for her amethyst stone in her breast pocket, well aware of its protective warmth. If things somehow went wrong, at least she would be protected.

She couldn’t tell if her heart was pounding from her exertion, or from the fear that seemed to increase with every step she took. Doubt suddenly overcame her as she glanced at the people around her. 

Was it possible that she had allowed her own terror to dictate her choice? What if her group’s theories were correct and this had been a huge mistake on her part? 

No, this _had_ to work - there would be nothing left if it didn’t. 

Things were going to turn out fine, and everyone would go back so some sort of semblance of the life they once had. 

The snowy path turned into a paved road as they all marched straight towards the temple’s entrance. People were already stepping inside, and the lines they formed divided into opposite directions as the ominous darkness from within engulfed them all, one by one.

Lily tried to steady her breathing and swallowed as she grasped her mother’s locket. This was one of the many moments where she wished she had her family’s comfort, but she knew that she would receive no such thing. They were gone, and now that she had abandoned the only friends she had, she was all alone.

Whatever happened, she would have to deal with the consequences on her own. 

She wiped at a tear that managed to escape and took a deep breath as she followed the others through the temple’s doors.


End file.
